So, um, back on the cheating thing again. I'm having a really hard time.
He and I met on a dating site, and I honestly don't see a problem with that.
We've stated that cheating is ANYTHING done with someone else other than the two of us. No sexting other people, no more dating sites, no flings. None of that.
So, this weekend I ask to borrow his phone, long story, but totally innocent intent, I wasn't snooping or anything, and he unlocks it (this is already strange because there wasnt a lock on it the last time I was down), and hands it to me. Immediately a little notification banner scrolls announcing he has new messages from okcupid. At this point we've been together a month, and talking for nearly two. He's previously stated he's a one woman sort of man and that's all he wants. And I love that, because I'm really not comfortable with it being anyone but us.
Anyway, seeing that banner, and that he stills has okcupid really hurts me, and I try to do what I was doing before but I see another app called LocalSin. At this point I'm just aching so I hand him back the phone, and say "You have new messages from okcupid". You have to realize that at the moment I'm feeling like crap, my lighthearted happy mood has completely disappeared, and when I talk to him I kind of sound empty.
He seems confused and says 'what?', so I repeat what I said, telling him the notification told me so. I didn't go into the app or anything. He puts his phone in his pocket and we pull up to the liquor store. He gets out I say I'm staying in the car (my legs feel weak and my stomach is turning), he asks if I want anything, I say no. The moment he shuts the door I start sobbing. When he gets back, I wipe my face and try to pretend like nothing is wrong, but it's hard. And he notices. I try to brush it off, I don't want to seem crazy or something, but it does worry me. We're long distance, and I don't want to invest myself in someone who's cheating right off the bat.
I don't say any of that, I just tell him it upset me, that it worried me. That I'm sorry. He nods, and tells me "I'm sorry, I must have forgotten to delete it." I accept it, but it still hurts, I still don't know what to do, or think. I just HURT so much. I don't ask him about LocalSin. I don't know how to mention it. But now I think I should have. So I could watch him when he answered me. I don't know. I'm so cautious, so wary. So insecure.
We say goodbye the next morning, and he's so sweet. I tell him I'll be back soon and he says "you better be, you have my shirt... And my heart." That makes me melt, but deep down I'm still wondering. What is LocalSin? He asks me to protect his heart, and I ask him to protect mine. I don't know what else to say. I get on the bus.
I make an account on LocalSin, i need to find out what it was. I find him on there. His picture and everything. A picture he had taken for me... Too much pain, I'm crying for most of the bus ride. Even while we're texting, crying. It HURTS. Why won't it stop hurting. I feel sick, physically sick.
I asked last night. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know. But through text it's so hard to know what's honest. I want to believe him. I really do. I asked him what localsin is, why he had it on his phone. He says he doesn't know, then asks me where on his phone it was. I tell him. He says it isnt there. Isn't there? I don't understand how it isn't there. That's seems weird to me. I ask him if he's honestly never heard of LocalSin, seriously. He says he seriously hasn't. I send him the screenshot of his supposed account with the picture of him. I tell him I don't understand. He says what the fuck? How the fuck?
I don't know.
He asks for the name of the app, if there's a website. He says he'll figure out how this happened. I tell him how hard it is for me. That I'm worried, I ask about the passcode. He tells me it's because his coworker took a picture of his ass and set it as the wallpaper. I say okay. He says that one of his unit-members may have put the app on there during drill.
I want to believe him. I want to. But it hurts and I can't stop shaking. I want to trust him. He wants to help me trust him. We both know we can't have a long distance relationship if there is no trust. What do I do? I care so much about him. I need help. Insight. Something.
He and I met on a dating site, and I honestly don't see a problem with that.
We've stated that cheating is ANYTHING done with someone else other than the two of us. No sexting other people, no more dating sites, no flings. None of that.
So, this weekend I ask to borrow his phone, long story, but totally innocent intent, I wasn't snooping or anything, and he unlocks it (this is already strange because there wasnt a lock on it the last time I was down), and hands it to me. Immediately a little notification banner scrolls announcing he has new messages from okcupid. At this point we've been together a month, and talking for nearly two. He's previously stated he's a one woman sort of man and that's all he wants. And I love that, because I'm really not comfortable with it being anyone but us.
Anyway, seeing that banner, and that he stills has okcupid really hurts me, and I try to do what I was doing before but I see another app called LocalSin. At this point I'm just aching so I hand him back the phone, and say "You have new messages from okcupid". You have to realize that at the moment I'm feeling like crap, my lighthearted happy mood has completely disappeared, and when I talk to him I kind of sound empty.
He seems confused and says 'what?', so I repeat what I said, telling him the notification told me so. I didn't go into the app or anything. He puts his phone in his pocket and we pull up to the liquor store. He gets out I say I'm staying in the car (my legs feel weak and my stomach is turning), he asks if I want anything, I say no. The moment he shuts the door I start sobbing. When he gets back, I wipe my face and try to pretend like nothing is wrong, but it's hard. And he notices. I try to brush it off, I don't want to seem crazy or something, but it does worry me. We're long distance, and I don't want to invest myself in someone who's cheating right off the bat.
I don't say any of that, I just tell him it upset me, that it worried me. That I'm sorry. He nods, and tells me "I'm sorry, I must have forgotten to delete it." I accept it, but it still hurts, I still don't know what to do, or think. I just HURT so much. I don't ask him about LocalSin. I don't know how to mention it. But now I think I should have. So I could watch him when he answered me. I don't know. I'm so cautious, so wary. So insecure.
We say goodbye the next morning, and he's so sweet. I tell him I'll be back soon and he says "you better be, you have my shirt... And my heart." That makes me melt, but deep down I'm still wondering. What is LocalSin? He asks me to protect his heart, and I ask him to protect mine. I don't know what else to say. I get on the bus.
I make an account on LocalSin, i need to find out what it was. I find him on there. His picture and everything. A picture he had taken for me... Too much pain, I'm crying for most of the bus ride. Even while we're texting, crying. It HURTS. Why won't it stop hurting. I feel sick, physically sick.
I asked last night. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know. But through text it's so hard to know what's honest. I want to believe him. I really do. I asked him what localsin is, why he had it on his phone. He says he doesn't know, then asks me where on his phone it was. I tell him. He says it isnt there. Isn't there? I don't understand how it isn't there. That's seems weird to me. I ask him if he's honestly never heard of LocalSin, seriously. He says he seriously hasn't. I send him the screenshot of his supposed account with the picture of him. I tell him I don't understand. He says what the fuck? How the fuck?
I don't know.
He asks for the name of the app, if there's a website. He says he'll figure out how this happened. I tell him how hard it is for me. That I'm worried, I ask about the passcode. He tells me it's because his coworker took a picture of his ass and set it as the wallpaper. I say okay. He says that one of his unit-members may have put the app on there during drill.
I want to believe him. I want to. But it hurts and I can't stop shaking. I want to trust him. He wants to help me trust him. We both know we can't have a long distance relationship if there is no trust. What do I do? I care so much about him. I need help. Insight. Something.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
strider57:
You really are a gifted writer, as for the rest, you already know.....
el_bandito:
here's my thoughts. the phone lock thing means nothing. I keep my phone locked cause I don't want people fucking with it. the okcupid thing? I'll give it a pass only if you guys haven't been together long and he hasn't made an effort to completely delete it yet. maybe he's scared things might not work out right away or something. the localsin thing? complete crap. especially if he had the app on his phone. since he already mentioned being paranoid about people messing with it. and if the account was fake, im sure his buddies would have filled it with crap info and lies for a laugh. not legit info. so in my eyes. he's being shady.