hannelore

Whelp, we have a couple more days until the 1st. But it looks like Anthony and I are pretty much fucked in terms of living arrangements. I'm extremely stressed out, because I wish I could do more, like, actively search for a job, but sometimes it's hard just leaving the house to go visit family, or friends. I'm so afraid of what people will think of me, or how they'll look at me that it's safer to just stay inside. Which is counter-productive to me;

a) loosing weight and getting my self-esteem back
b) getting a job, and keeping a fucking roof over my head.

It's not like I don't want to get better, and shit, but it's fucking hard.

I had a mild anxiety attack on Saturday night before going to a party with Anthony. I was just so disgusted with my stomach, and everything that the simple act of putting on my shoes made me kirk out. We ended up going anyway, I forced myself to because Anthony rarely sees his friends anymore. And I feel really bad because aside from our new location, I'm mainly the cause of it, since I kirk out every time we go anywhere.

Ugh.