hannelore

I know its stupid, but it's been all too easy to get me jealous lately. I hate it, but I do get very jealous about guys ... and girls they like to flirt with. I don't get jealous about guys i like looking at pictures of naked women, but if they flirt with certain women, I freak out. I'm so self-conscious, and my self-esteem is so low. It just seems to get worse. I wish I could not be jealous, but for some reason, my heart just seizes up when I think about it, and I feel sick to my stomach, totally and utterly upset., and very very sad.

And my self-esteem, I try and build it up, make me see me the way other people seem to, but I still tell myself, just a few more pounds then I'll be ready to be a Hopeful. But the truth is, I don't think I'll be ready until I'm Suicide Girl barbie. Even though I know SG isn't about how much you weigh, but how beautiful you are in your own skin, and I can't see myself as beautiful, and I don't know if I ever will.