hmmm.
you know, the horrible thing about losing your mind is that you tend to not know that you're losing your mind. or at least, realize it until it's too late.
i typed up a comment on a newswire post. i spell checked it, and i am fairly sure i sent it off. and then read it again, once it posted successfully. such is my procedure.
but... if you look at my "comments made" list below, it's not there, and it's not on the thread i commented on, and nobody has made reference to it, meaning either a) someone cut it out and removed all reference to it, ministry of truth style; or more likely b) i'm just fucking losing it.
this reminds me, i need to take my meds before bed.
fuck, i thought i was past this shit. i've been doing great and no real issues. and then, a week ago i accuse my sister of being out of touch with reality and since then it's like i've had sympathy delusions, if there are such things.
i guess i'll try and post a question about it in the bipolar group and if i'm lucky, it will be posted for real instead of in la-la land in my head and i can get some advice on the subject.
it's disturbing to know that you're imagining things, especially when you're supposed to be getting better.
i witnessed the full effect of this last week when my sister had a meltdown because it ried to tell her that her "2+2=5" mentality about some things in my recent history were not logical, and that evidence strongly pointed to the contrary. she freaked out like i have never seen anyone freak out before. i could see confusion, anger, and above all, terror and horror at the possiblity that it might be true.
anyway, i need rest. i work 11 to whenever tomorrow, and i hear saturday afternoons during football season are big business and great tips.
later.
you know, the horrible thing about losing your mind is that you tend to not know that you're losing your mind. or at least, realize it until it's too late.
i typed up a comment on a newswire post. i spell checked it, and i am fairly sure i sent it off. and then read it again, once it posted successfully. such is my procedure.
but... if you look at my "comments made" list below, it's not there, and it's not on the thread i commented on, and nobody has made reference to it, meaning either a) someone cut it out and removed all reference to it, ministry of truth style; or more likely b) i'm just fucking losing it.
this reminds me, i need to take my meds before bed.
fuck, i thought i was past this shit. i've been doing great and no real issues. and then, a week ago i accuse my sister of being out of touch with reality and since then it's like i've had sympathy delusions, if there are such things.
i guess i'll try and post a question about it in the bipolar group and if i'm lucky, it will be posted for real instead of in la-la land in my head and i can get some advice on the subject.
it's disturbing to know that you're imagining things, especially when you're supposed to be getting better.
i witnessed the full effect of this last week when my sister had a meltdown because it ried to tell her that her "2+2=5" mentality about some things in my recent history were not logical, and that evidence strongly pointed to the contrary. she freaked out like i have never seen anyone freak out before. i could see confusion, anger, and above all, terror and horror at the possiblity that it might be true.
anyway, i need rest. i work 11 to whenever tomorrow, and i hear saturday afternoons during football season are big business and great tips.
later.
btw, I lived in Iowa City for four years while in college.
my degree is in ancient languages, but one of the benefits of that particular degree was that it was very linear and I could study a lot of other interesting things. yes, I did pretty seriously study creative non-fiction. I got to read a piece on npr an' ever'thing. I'm more interested in hearing good stories right now, and I can't ask for something without guidelines and I cant' expect anything without giving in return. tell me a story is a little too open ended.