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I am hung over and my mouth tastes of vineger and cigars. Obviously the cold UPS man has no knowledge of my current physical state, as he thought it appropriate to ring my earth shakingly obnoctious door bell at 9:30am. What arrived was my grandparents standard holiday care package containing various meats, cheeses and jams. Enclosed with the contents of the package was an extremely nonsensical letter, with "a little inside joke" written in parentheses after every couple phrases or so. They did this on purpose. I'm going back to bed.