Can't stop listening to "Maps" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Apparently the working title for the upcoming Firefly movie is "Serenity". i'm really diggin that. the ship is the 10th character.
can i be a professional loafer? i do it better than anyone i know
I leave you with perhaps the most fucked up thing to ever be produced by my mind:
If I Were a Double Dare Contestant by Eric
I walk out onto the bright blue stage, greeted by a smiling Canadian. He pulls me aside and says, "Welcome to Double Dare, Eric. I'm Marc Summers. The most important thing about Double Dare is having fun. Forget the pressure put on you by the studio audience, which undoubtedly contains your parents, the fabulous prizes up for grabs, all your friends watching at home looking for a reason to make fun of you, and all the children across the country you'll be letting down if you don't pull through for the blue team. Now that Ive gotten that out of the way, what do you want to name your team?"
I stare at him for a moment before collecting myself. "Well, I was thinking that we could-"
"Gak Slappers it is!" says Summers before I utter the desired team name.
I walk to meet my partner for the first time. "Hi, I'm Eric. Nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll do ok. If you have a certain way you want to do the physical challenges or something, let me know and maybe we can come up with a strategy."
My partner takes a long, hard look at me. I put out my hand in an effort to shake his, but he proceeds to run his hand through his long, dark, greasy hair. He takes a drag from his cigarette and says in a raspy voice, "You think you're special?"
"Excuse me?" I reply.
"Do not fuck with me! You listen to me, you little shit! I want that mountain bike. I want that Nintendo. I want that trip to space camp. If you blow this for me, I will make you sorry you were ever born. Now get your head in the game." And with one swift motion, he puts his cigarette out on my upper arm. "Capisce?" he says as he storms towards the giant styrofoam hamburger buns to be used in our opening physical challenge.
I try to take in what just happened, but I am in a state of shock. The pain of the burn is overwhelming, but just as Im about to seek medical attention, I hear Mr. Summers yell, "On your marks! Get set! GO!"
Before I realize what's going on, the contestant in red garb is flinging giant rubber meat patties across the stage towards his partners waiting arms. I frantically load one of the fake meat products onto my spatula shaped catapult and pull the lever to launch. Success. Rapidly, I begin launching the discs of meat across the stage as my frightening partner grasps them in his giant hamburger bun shaped catchers mitts. The buzzer sounds and we are the victors.
We head towards our respective podiums, preparing ourselves for the mental challenge ahead of us. We field questions in many varying categories. Television, video games, basic mathematics, sports, history, pop culture, and quantum physics. We go through two rounds of intellectual sparring, and both teams are evenly matched. Finally, we are stumped. My partner sighs and proceeds to say, Dare.
The red team is completely taken off guard. Double Dare, utters the blonde haired child donning the crimson wardrobe.
And with more conviction in my voice than ever before, I say, Physical Challenge.
Okay, Eric, says Summers, this will be a one man physical challenge. That means no help from your partner.
You win this, we get to the obstacle course, says my partner, Make me proud. Or else Ill have some guys I know break your kneecaps. Seriously.
I walk towards the stage and my heart sinks. I notice that there are balloons scattered all over the floor. Some seem to be containing a green, viscous fluid, others seem to be containing whipped cream.
Your challenge is to pop at least 5 of these balloons without your hands in 20 seconds. Are you ready?
I look towards my podium where I see my partner having a conversation with two rather large men in fine tailored suits. He notices me looking and then points me out to his friends, and they all begin laughing to themselves. My eyes narrow as I turn towards the host. Let er rip.
GO! shouts Summers, and if I was possessed, I begin stomping balloons as fast as I can. I pop two with ease, but as I progress, my shoes become covered in the green goo that was waiting in the balloons. I pop one more. 10 seconds left. I pop yet another. 5 seconds left. My shoes are far too slippery to pop another. Without thinking, I leap across the stage and swan dive upon the last waiting balloon. It pops with one second left on the clock. We are victorious. A buzzer signifying the end of the second and final round sounds.
Oh my goodness! It seems as though youll be heading to the obstacle course to compete for fabulous prizes! Well be back right after this!
As the stagehands prepare the set for the final obstacle course, my partner approaches me. You did good, kid. Now lets get it together. This is what it all comes down to. Dont forget what I said earlier.
How old are you?! I ask. He ignores me and points towards the imposing, well-dressed thugs.
We approach the starting line together, prepared for what will no doubt be the defining moment of our lives. On your mark! Get set! GO! shouts Summers one last time. My partner explodes off the line, leaps through an oversized laundry wringer and passes off the first flag to me. I bound up the rope ladder and then head down the slide covered in chocolate sauce to the waiting fake ice cream sundae waiting below. I grab the flag and hand it to my partner. He crawls through three tubes with slippery slime underneath. Flag 3 has been collected. With breakneck speed, I leap through the giant fake teeth to grab the flag waiting at the end of yet another slide. My partner wades through a ball pit to get flag number 5. I bound across the monkey bars and get flag 6. 2 to go. My partner runs up to the giant soda fountain and proceeds to slam on all three variations of pop dispensers until the flag finally comes shooting out of the fountain labeled Orange. He passes off the flag to me, and I head towards my final obstacle, the giant piece of pizza. I flip over the first piece of pepperoni to find nothing. If only it were that easy, I think to myself.
5 seconds left! yells Marc.
I flip the second piece of pepperoni with a sudden sense of urgency. I dont find a flag.
3 seconds!
I flip the final piece of pepperoni, only to find a void of nothingness. I frantically search the fake cheese product in the remaining seconds, but it is too late. The buzzer sounds, and my dreams are crushed. I fall to floor, and begin to go into convulsions.
Oh dear God! yells Summers, Turn the cameras off! Someone get this kid some help! Hes foaming at the mouth for Petes sake!
And as the medical crew rushes forward, a young child steps down from the studio audience, removes his propeller beanie cap and somberly states, This is a black day for Nickelodeon.
Then he got slimed.
Apparently the working title for the upcoming Firefly movie is "Serenity". i'm really diggin that. the ship is the 10th character.
can i be a professional loafer? i do it better than anyone i know
I leave you with perhaps the most fucked up thing to ever be produced by my mind:
If I Were a Double Dare Contestant by Eric
I walk out onto the bright blue stage, greeted by a smiling Canadian. He pulls me aside and says, "Welcome to Double Dare, Eric. I'm Marc Summers. The most important thing about Double Dare is having fun. Forget the pressure put on you by the studio audience, which undoubtedly contains your parents, the fabulous prizes up for grabs, all your friends watching at home looking for a reason to make fun of you, and all the children across the country you'll be letting down if you don't pull through for the blue team. Now that Ive gotten that out of the way, what do you want to name your team?"
I stare at him for a moment before collecting myself. "Well, I was thinking that we could-"
"Gak Slappers it is!" says Summers before I utter the desired team name.
I walk to meet my partner for the first time. "Hi, I'm Eric. Nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll do ok. If you have a certain way you want to do the physical challenges or something, let me know and maybe we can come up with a strategy."
My partner takes a long, hard look at me. I put out my hand in an effort to shake his, but he proceeds to run his hand through his long, dark, greasy hair. He takes a drag from his cigarette and says in a raspy voice, "You think you're special?"
"Excuse me?" I reply.
"Do not fuck with me! You listen to me, you little shit! I want that mountain bike. I want that Nintendo. I want that trip to space camp. If you blow this for me, I will make you sorry you were ever born. Now get your head in the game." And with one swift motion, he puts his cigarette out on my upper arm. "Capisce?" he says as he storms towards the giant styrofoam hamburger buns to be used in our opening physical challenge.
I try to take in what just happened, but I am in a state of shock. The pain of the burn is overwhelming, but just as Im about to seek medical attention, I hear Mr. Summers yell, "On your marks! Get set! GO!"
Before I realize what's going on, the contestant in red garb is flinging giant rubber meat patties across the stage towards his partners waiting arms. I frantically load one of the fake meat products onto my spatula shaped catapult and pull the lever to launch. Success. Rapidly, I begin launching the discs of meat across the stage as my frightening partner grasps them in his giant hamburger bun shaped catchers mitts. The buzzer sounds and we are the victors.
We head towards our respective podiums, preparing ourselves for the mental challenge ahead of us. We field questions in many varying categories. Television, video games, basic mathematics, sports, history, pop culture, and quantum physics. We go through two rounds of intellectual sparring, and both teams are evenly matched. Finally, we are stumped. My partner sighs and proceeds to say, Dare.
The red team is completely taken off guard. Double Dare, utters the blonde haired child donning the crimson wardrobe.
And with more conviction in my voice than ever before, I say, Physical Challenge.
Okay, Eric, says Summers, this will be a one man physical challenge. That means no help from your partner.
You win this, we get to the obstacle course, says my partner, Make me proud. Or else Ill have some guys I know break your kneecaps. Seriously.
I walk towards the stage and my heart sinks. I notice that there are balloons scattered all over the floor. Some seem to be containing a green, viscous fluid, others seem to be containing whipped cream.
Your challenge is to pop at least 5 of these balloons without your hands in 20 seconds. Are you ready?
I look towards my podium where I see my partner having a conversation with two rather large men in fine tailored suits. He notices me looking and then points me out to his friends, and they all begin laughing to themselves. My eyes narrow as I turn towards the host. Let er rip.
GO! shouts Summers, and if I was possessed, I begin stomping balloons as fast as I can. I pop two with ease, but as I progress, my shoes become covered in the green goo that was waiting in the balloons. I pop one more. 10 seconds left. I pop yet another. 5 seconds left. My shoes are far too slippery to pop another. Without thinking, I leap across the stage and swan dive upon the last waiting balloon. It pops with one second left on the clock. We are victorious. A buzzer signifying the end of the second and final round sounds.
Oh my goodness! It seems as though youll be heading to the obstacle course to compete for fabulous prizes! Well be back right after this!
As the stagehands prepare the set for the final obstacle course, my partner approaches me. You did good, kid. Now lets get it together. This is what it all comes down to. Dont forget what I said earlier.
How old are you?! I ask. He ignores me and points towards the imposing, well-dressed thugs.
We approach the starting line together, prepared for what will no doubt be the defining moment of our lives. On your mark! Get set! GO! shouts Summers one last time. My partner explodes off the line, leaps through an oversized laundry wringer and passes off the first flag to me. I bound up the rope ladder and then head down the slide covered in chocolate sauce to the waiting fake ice cream sundae waiting below. I grab the flag and hand it to my partner. He crawls through three tubes with slippery slime underneath. Flag 3 has been collected. With breakneck speed, I leap through the giant fake teeth to grab the flag waiting at the end of yet another slide. My partner wades through a ball pit to get flag number 5. I bound across the monkey bars and get flag 6. 2 to go. My partner runs up to the giant soda fountain and proceeds to slam on all three variations of pop dispensers until the flag finally comes shooting out of the fountain labeled Orange. He passes off the flag to me, and I head towards my final obstacle, the giant piece of pizza. I flip over the first piece of pepperoni to find nothing. If only it were that easy, I think to myself.
5 seconds left! yells Marc.
I flip the second piece of pepperoni with a sudden sense of urgency. I dont find a flag.
3 seconds!
I flip the final piece of pepperoni, only to find a void of nothingness. I frantically search the fake cheese product in the remaining seconds, but it is too late. The buzzer sounds, and my dreams are crushed. I fall to floor, and begin to go into convulsions.
Oh dear God! yells Summers, Turn the cameras off! Someone get this kid some help! Hes foaming at the mouth for Petes sake!
And as the medical crew rushes forward, a young child steps down from the studio audience, removes his propeller beanie cap and somberly states, This is a black day for Nickelodeon.
Then he got slimed.
memmnochthedevil:
Yeah I just downloaded DVD Profiler....and put all my dvds inthere it rocks....but why can't I find something to watch?
