halsparks

So I have a friend named April who is one of the nicest people you will ever meet.
She is a genuinely good soul. I met her because Queer As Folk was on Showtime and She...worked for Seymoure Butts (who also had/has a show on Showtime) She was his assistant..then his publicist..then his talent booker. She was a fan of the show and often invites me to parties that she throws. I usually can't go or am not inclined to just because I work and travel so much. Plus it's more fun just to visit and have lunch with her....But My male friends and relatives give me such a shit storm when I don't go that sometimes I go..alright! But you're goin 'with me!

So I took my cousin Kip to a party tonight at the house of a nice guy/fellow KISS fan named Rick Plank whoowns a company called "Phallix"... he started out making bongs for a living but now makes ornate dildos made out of bullet proof glass... so if you're a sex addicted superhero and you need a combination toy/tool he's your man.

The party was catered by one of those services that has nude waitresses with painted on outfits....

File this under "nice try"

I've seen this kind of thing before... heck they even did a segment on "The View" about it... So it's no big deal. But I really think this is one of those things that sounds better on paper.

Early on in the party the paint jobs look fairly impressive and unless you are truly looking you wouldn't notice that the clothes aren't real. So it definitely is a skilled activity. But if you don't really notice is it really sexy?... to anyone but the weird guy in the corner with his hands in his pockets who keeps asking for more shrimp puffs?

Midway through the party, these people have been carrying trays past so many people in such a tight space that the paint starts to rub of in strategic places. This Could be sexy however the cracking chipped paint makes them look like a sun bleached car in a junkyard...with nipples. By the way.. these are men and women... so this is equal oppurtunity embarassing.

As the party winds down, the staff all start to drink along with the guests.. dance..sweat..paint starts to flake, run or rub off and pretty soon you realize you are talking to a naked person who looks like the fell down a flight of stairs holding a bunch of magic markers and a blueberry pie.

And what do you say when they pass you for the 18th time in ten minutes?

"Cold yet?"

"Can I get you a coat or some Soup?"

"What's up, Crusty?"

I don't know what's weirder..trying to have a normal conversation with other people while this happening near you...or with the the servers themselves....

or trying not to laugh when a naked dude says "Crab Cake?" to you...

Ah..Hollywood...