hael

Have you ever had something tragic happen in or around your life that you just don't regester. I think it is my defense mechanism. I just turn off my brain or get wrapped up in other things so that I don't think about what is going on. I have done this every time a friend or relative has passed away. The only time i tend to think about it is when i am talking or writing about it and i usually avoid doing that all together. This post is a little bit difficult for me because it is makeing me think about all of the things i have suppressed over the years.

Rather than deal with what is going on right now I have been turning to books and music as an escape. I went to a drum circle with my mother last night, i've been learing to play several new things on my guitar. Yesterday i read Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie. It is all well and good that i have literary and artistic outlets but I can't help feeling guilty for trying to escape thinking and feeling. Is it fair to the people who are now gone that i am denying their memory just to make it easier on myself?

Is it bad that I am capable of forgetting even before the memorial service has taken place?