ever caught yourself off gaurd?
I'm sure everyone catches themselves off guard sometimes. Many times. But perhaps for me it's a bit more impactful, since I'm such a damn guarded piece. I've learned so many harsh lessons. Some not so harsh, but heavy, indeed. And I've vowed to myself never to repeat my errors in judgments again... but yet sometimes the scenerios are so reflective of ones before and still I find myself FEELING... and all of a sudden I find myself having to lasso in my own heart, my deep sensations, curiosities, attractions, sometimes even repulsions... because of this fucking guardedness. It's hard being the battlefield for this war between desire and rationale. Because a huge part of me lives by the credo that you have to allow yourself to experience, to feel, to live, to kick shit in the ass and flip it upside down and take a chance. But an equally big part of me is so cerebral about everything - analyze, rationalize, be cautious because the scars on my skin keep reminding me that shit happens. But, again, so what if shit happens? I don't know. I'm confused but I'm not confused. I want it but I don't want it. I love but I don't love. I desire but I don't desire. but I do desire. and sometimes I get so pleasantly surprised by humans, especially since I generally have such dismay about the behaviour of the majority of us homosapiens out there. out here. everywhere.
I thought I might write a list of all the life lessons I've learned - just to remind myself and keep things in check. But how insanely limiting would that be? Deep inside, all I want to do is prove it all wrong. cancel it all out. find the loopholes and escape through them with a rush of warmth through my being and a quiet smile.
picture a kite anchored to a fence in the middle of a wide open field, the vast blue sky charming it upwards, the wild winds circling and caressing it seductively, the kite flailing wildly in response to all these delectable stimuli... at some point, some force will have to untie that string. whether it be nature or human or animal, or what if... just what if that kite somehow unties itself? hmmmmmmm.....
sunday morning consciousness.
I'm sure everyone catches themselves off guard sometimes. Many times. But perhaps for me it's a bit more impactful, since I'm such a damn guarded piece. I've learned so many harsh lessons. Some not so harsh, but heavy, indeed. And I've vowed to myself never to repeat my errors in judgments again... but yet sometimes the scenerios are so reflective of ones before and still I find myself FEELING... and all of a sudden I find myself having to lasso in my own heart, my deep sensations, curiosities, attractions, sometimes even repulsions... because of this fucking guardedness. It's hard being the battlefield for this war between desire and rationale. Because a huge part of me lives by the credo that you have to allow yourself to experience, to feel, to live, to kick shit in the ass and flip it upside down and take a chance. But an equally big part of me is so cerebral about everything - analyze, rationalize, be cautious because the scars on my skin keep reminding me that shit happens. But, again, so what if shit happens? I don't know. I'm confused but I'm not confused. I want it but I don't want it. I love but I don't love. I desire but I don't desire. but I do desire. and sometimes I get so pleasantly surprised by humans, especially since I generally have such dismay about the behaviour of the majority of us homosapiens out there. out here. everywhere.
I thought I might write a list of all the life lessons I've learned - just to remind myself and keep things in check. But how insanely limiting would that be? Deep inside, all I want to do is prove it all wrong. cancel it all out. find the loopholes and escape through them with a rush of warmth through my being and a quiet smile.
picture a kite anchored to a fence in the middle of a wide open field, the vast blue sky charming it upwards, the wild winds circling and caressing it seductively, the kite flailing wildly in response to all these delectable stimuli... at some point, some force will have to untie that string. whether it be nature or human or animal, or what if... just what if that kite somehow unties itself? hmmmmmmm.....
sunday morning consciousness.
step:
Yea. What she said! 