quarter after 6 in the morning. coffee #2. amaretto flavour - yuck. next time I think I'll stick to the unflavoured coffees. it's gross, man. 
yesterday I was advised by both other members of my Morose Performance Art Trio that love is a waste of time (still waiting to find out what a "sucking coid" is exactly :confused
. Any other time I would agree with these two angry bitches, but I just don't want to let this sour me too much. I want to keep my faith in the idea of penguining* up with another in this lifetime. I just don't want to be crabby and negative all the time anymore. Though, I'll be honest, sometimes I can't help but default to the thought that relationships are a fucking waste of time. But that's only in moments of extreme raw resentment and hurting. But, nah... overall, it's a learning experiece. One (of MANY) things I've learned is that the body of penguins to choose from is VAST and each time you decide to try out a new prospect penguin, you have to get accustomed to a whole new set of personal idiosyncracies (I may very well have spelled that wrong, but fuck it). Some things are a little strange, but tolerable and over time even endearing to a certain degree - and other things are little more of a challenge to accept due to either your own personal idiosyncracies or just because they are just plain not right for you and sometimes you have to listen to that little voice of caution in you and let go.
but, no, none of it is a waste of time becuase in the end you learn to better define your own needs and desires from a relationship and from another prospect penguin and you learn to skip a lot of bullshit the next time around (if you're smart).
yeah, but to be honest - and in being so, pretty much negate all that I have noted above - I think it will be a long while before I get intense with anyone again. It's very consuming. and love is a fucking volatile thing. and too often counterfeited in haste. and I care too fucking much most of the time.
and ttttttthat's all on that, folks
I think I'll just stick to love as sport.
*penguining up - a term I made up based on my recent experience watching the hit documentary "The March of the Penguins" last week. When mating, a shitload of penguins all arrive at the nesting grounds in a huge cluster and it looks like some enormous social or catillion where compatible penguins "find eachother" in this insanely vast crowd.
yesterday I was advised by both other members of my Morose Performance Art Trio that love is a waste of time (still waiting to find out what a "sucking coid" is exactly :confused
. Any other time I would agree with these two angry bitches, but I just don't want to let this sour me too much. I want to keep my faith in the idea of penguining* up with another in this lifetime. I just don't want to be crabby and negative all the time anymore. Though, I'll be honest, sometimes I can't help but default to the thought that relationships are a fucking waste of time. But that's only in moments of extreme raw resentment and hurting. But, nah... overall, it's a learning experiece. One (of MANY) things I've learned is that the body of penguins to choose from is VAST and each time you decide to try out a new prospect penguin, you have to get accustomed to a whole new set of personal idiosyncracies (I may very well have spelled that wrong, but fuck it). Some things are a little strange, but tolerable and over time even endearing to a certain degree - and other things are little more of a challenge to accept due to either your own personal idiosyncracies or just because they are just plain not right for you and sometimes you have to listen to that little voice of caution in you and let go.
but, no, none of it is a waste of time becuase in the end you learn to better define your own needs and desires from a relationship and from another prospect penguin and you learn to skip a lot of bullshit the next time around (if you're smart).
yeah, but to be honest - and in being so, pretty much negate all that I have noted above - I think it will be a long while before I get intense with anyone again. It's very consuming. and love is a fucking volatile thing. and too often counterfeited in haste. and I care too fucking much most of the time.
and ttttttthat's all on that, folks
I think I'll just stick to love as sport.
*penguining up - a term I made up based on my recent experience watching the hit documentary "The March of the Penguins" last week. When mating, a shitload of penguins all arrive at the nesting grounds in a huge cluster and it looks like some enormous social or catillion where compatible penguins "find eachother" in this insanely vast crowd.
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Don't get me wrong - I don't think love is a pointless endeavour - actually the opposite is true in my mind. I *do* however think that we are often apt to try too hard to make things work when things simply aren't working. I think what I've learned in the past while is that sometimes its *good* to leave it behind.
Re: Edmonton. It's all about the people. I have a lot of friends here. Really, I'd much rather be in Toronto or Montreal.