ok, so today I had a "me" day. to clear my mind a bit, to just take it easy and not feel so damn sad...
so what did I do? I treated myself to some bargain-priced funky tops (I look so purrrrrty now
) and I watched a movie called Me and You and Everyone We Know. Very good movie (for me - perhaps not all would like). I loved it. It was a good reflective 2 hours for me. I cried, I laughed... I got some fucking emotions out... I didn't feel so alien-like... and the one kid in it totally reminded me of my Sy... Basically, it reminded me that humans are fucked up and we all have this very basic need to be loved. And we all deserve to be loved. And well, we do fucked up things - to ourselves, and (as a result) to our children... I think that is why I cried: because it hit me how shit I am making my son's life with all my emotional ups and downs and all my failures. Poor kid. Life could have been so much better for him in a 2-parent situation. Someone there who can balance out my moments of freakiness... this is so tiring to even think about, cause I don't really totally agree with my momentary miserable attitude. But I know things could be so much better for Sy if I was not quite so much like, well, me. miserable, Noemi, miserable! 
so today was ok. but I am still very sad. fuck it. for a supposedly tuff bitch cunt who is evil enough to kill the sun, it turns out I'm actually the very type of intensely senstive being that I run from. who would have thought? It was good to be alone and outside today. I just have to get more comfortable again with being alone in my skin again (aside from my beautiful child, of course, so I am never really alone, now am I? - guess who's kissing me on the nose as i type this, actually... awww...).
tomorrow is another day - another fucking hot ass day in toronto. I swear this city is going to turn into a putrid stew before the summer is over. maybe Sy and I will grab up some giant spoons and eat our way out of here. though the stew is putrid...
so what did I do? I treated myself to some bargain-priced funky tops (I look so purrrrrty now
) and I watched a movie called Me and You and Everyone We Know. Very good movie (for me - perhaps not all would like). I loved it. It was a good reflective 2 hours for me. I cried, I laughed... I got some fucking emotions out... I didn't feel so alien-like... and the one kid in it totally reminded me of my Sy... Basically, it reminded me that humans are fucked up and we all have this very basic need to be loved. And we all deserve to be loved. And well, we do fucked up things - to ourselves, and (as a result) to our children... I think that is why I cried: because it hit me how shit I am making my son's life with all my emotional ups and downs and all my failures. Poor kid. Life could have been so much better for him in a 2-parent situation. Someone there who can balance out my moments of freakiness... this is so tiring to even think about, cause I don't really totally agree with my momentary miserable attitude. But I know things could be so much better for Sy if I was not quite so much like, well, me. miserable, Noemi, miserable!
so today was ok. but I am still very sad. fuck it. for a supposedly tuff bitch cunt who is evil enough to kill the sun, it turns out I'm actually the very type of intensely senstive being that I run from. who would have thought? It was good to be alone and outside today. I just have to get more comfortable again with being alone in my skin again (aside from my beautiful child, of course, so I am never really alone, now am I? - guess who's kissing me on the nose as i type this, actually... awww...).
tomorrow is another day - another fucking hot ass day in toronto. I swear this city is going to turn into a putrid stew before the summer is over. maybe Sy and I will grab up some giant spoons and eat our way out of here. though the stew is putrid...
You days are good. Don't worry about being emotional around your mini person. He'll just be more sensitive for it, and therefore a better person. As long as your intentions are good, they'll come through. Happy happy.