gypsygrrrl

and I knew
I was close to you
and I knew
catch me fly
in the sun
cath me drinking
of your wine
(-Mazzy song)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I found a hole last night...
a hole between here and there.
and I ripped it open
to crawl through to you.

every part of me is trying to figure out what is real and what is figmented from imagination. sweet these figs are if they are fruit of the mind, and fermented enough to get drunk on... I think I am drunk.

focus. need to focus.
have a business to run... have a child to love... have bills to pay, plans to make... friends to embrace... plants to water... garbage to take out... dust to wipe... showers to take... deadlines to meet... clients to satisfy... clients to win over... my heart to unswell... your window to look through... losing focus... drifting away... through your window... to be touched... been touched... *poof*

I'll be fine. I can hold it all together. what happened to the days when my agenda consisted of going to the corner store for popsicles on a hot day with my best friend and then coming back to the park to play tag and look at cute boys playing soccer on the grass? then running home to dinner and tv and trying to get out of my brother's head-locks and cobra-clutches. do I really miss those days? it was just yesterday.

do we all go through this mindfuck in the 30th year of life? or is this just some kind of momentous, monstrous, sharp angle turning point in MY life? I look ahead and all I see is this sharp corner and I cannot turn my neck far enough to the left to see the new direction. I look down at my hands and I see that I am holding a brick and pulling a red wagon full of bricks behind me... ahhhhhhhhh, I get it... it's me. oh, and look, there's a huge wedge of cheese on the wagon, too, with a shredder at the tail, leaving a trail of shredded mozerella on my yellow-brick-road.

I need to stop mixing penecillin with codeine and pot.