gutter_fly

Goddamn. I used to think I was so fucking cool when I was 16 and I hung out at Arabica every night. And then I thought I was so fucking cool when I was 17 and I hung out at Denny's every fucking night. And then I thought I was the shit when I hung out at fucking Common Grounds every fucking night until 5am for 6 months. Since then, I've been working more, working on my book and my music; everyday, I work on making my relationship with my fiancee better; I've been working on getting back into school. I'm too busy for that shit. And somehow, my bestfriend - who is an open-mic-night-junkie - convinced me into going to Harry Buffalo tonight.

It was in Parma. The land from which I hail. The land where I spent my last few years of irrepsonsibility and immaturity. And who was there? Every kid that spends every waking moment after 11pm at Denny's. Every 15 through 18 year old within a 100 block radius. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Mal to death, but he let's these kids hang around him and idolize him. My other psuedo-best friend, Dave, actually hangs out with them - instead of the other way around. They rub off on him. He's 20, and he's gone back to smoking pot, blowing people off, and doing just fuckin' stupid immature shit. He never calls me anymore. This is the second friend in 2 years who has just decided to drop off of the face of the fucking planet. I have one left.

Now, running along side of all of this, I'm also pissed because I'm jealous as shit. Jealous at the fact that all of my friends are in bands, and I'm not. I have talent! I have the equipment! No one wants to start up with my psychobilly project. Mal kind of wants to, but our schedules clash. I had drummers lined up...and they all fell like dominoes. I had a female upright bass player, but she ended up being fake. Something tells me that no one will want to join with me until psychobilly gets really popular, and then everyone will have a fucking psycho band - just like death metal, right now.

I'm so sick of this shit.