gurov

I have created the most ambitious plans I have ever even fathomed.... A part of me is excited at the challenge, yet another part of me knows that often the bigger the expectation and goal, the bigger the let down when that goal is not reached.

As I may have expressed in entries past, there is this odd desire to try and connect. Not just in this medium, or even the online medium, and not necessarily even with people I know. At the apex of this desire, I turned to a few old favorite books of mine and began to re-read them... just so I could feel connected to the story and the ideas they held. (Henry Miller is the one I go back to, quite often, even if for a page or two.)
Sometimes this desire for connection isn't anything overtly profound, or huge... it can often be just a passing smile between myself and someone else. Sounds lame when I type it out. Maybe it is.

What I have decided, for the most part, is that I'm not going to worry too much about it. I know what and who is important to me, and I guess that's good. Despite the allure and attraction of new people and new ideas, I'm not sure I have the time or the interests to always be the one to try and initiate some sort of friendship.

I have also decided that chemistry between myself and anyone else is probably a figment of my imagination, and even if it isn't, I shouldn't put any stock or faith in such a ludicrious notion as chemistry... even if she's a hottie.

okay