Sorry that I haven't updated in a long time. Things have been pretty rough for me lately. Some ups but mostly downs.
For months now my family has been falling apart. In February, my father up and left my mother. I certainly didn't see it coming even if she did. I spent a majority of the last few years about 140 miles away in college so I wasn't quite aware of any imminent collapse of my family unit. Yesterday, my mother returned from a lawyers office. Divorce looms officially on the horizon. My parents, still talking, are fixing up our house in order to sell it and divide the money. Basically, my dad has an apartment and my mother is probably moving back to Maine. Like a bomb exploding, my family is being scattered like so much shrapnel. Now, as a 23 year old guy I should probably handle this fairly well and just accept it and not worry so much. However, I have spent a majority of my life moving from one state to another every few months or years. -In 23 years of life, I have lived in 10 states on two coasts.- Moving around so much means that the only stable thing in my life was my family. Only to have it collapse now tears me up inside and makes me realize just how much of a crock of shit relationships are and how fucking fragile they can be. My parents had 24 years of what I thought was a happy marriage. -buzzer- wrong! Anyhow, that hurts and I am not sure what, if anything, I can do to deal with it.
On the second front, I went and visited one of my closest friends, R, and her friend who I have become close with, we will call her C, in Louisville, KY. Originally, R introduced me to C as a potential free place to stay when I move out there. However, uring the time that C and I have gotten to know each other we developed a bit of a long distance relationship. Bad move on our part certainly. My first and now guaranteed only attempt. Anyhow, I went to visit them and stayed with C for six days. The first two days were awesome followed by a pretty rough two days and things started to fall into place during the last two days and of course I had to leave just as things were becoming comfortable and figuring themselves out. We are both pretty strong individuals with her needing more space than even I do so we got a little too much of each other that early in the relationship. We determined easily that while we could date, we could not be roommates and do so. Makes perfect sense but makes it tough to move out there and get my feet underneath me. We also decided to back up our relationship to simply dating. That is much tougher as I have strong feelings for her. I get the sense that she has not nearly as strong of feelings for me. Now, I may get another place out there but I am waiting to hear back about it...waiting sucks. I can still stay with C while I try to find a place and job but I have no interest on putting my feeling for her on hold while I am her roommate. Moving across county is too complicated without all the extra emotional messes I have created. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!
I am so down right now. Right as I thought my life was making an upturn it got all complicated and stressful again. Oh well, not like I expected to catch a break ever. Fuck!
For months now my family has been falling apart. In February, my father up and left my mother. I certainly didn't see it coming even if she did. I spent a majority of the last few years about 140 miles away in college so I wasn't quite aware of any imminent collapse of my family unit. Yesterday, my mother returned from a lawyers office. Divorce looms officially on the horizon. My parents, still talking, are fixing up our house in order to sell it and divide the money. Basically, my dad has an apartment and my mother is probably moving back to Maine. Like a bomb exploding, my family is being scattered like so much shrapnel. Now, as a 23 year old guy I should probably handle this fairly well and just accept it and not worry so much. However, I have spent a majority of my life moving from one state to another every few months or years. -In 23 years of life, I have lived in 10 states on two coasts.- Moving around so much means that the only stable thing in my life was my family. Only to have it collapse now tears me up inside and makes me realize just how much of a crock of shit relationships are and how fucking fragile they can be. My parents had 24 years of what I thought was a happy marriage. -buzzer- wrong! Anyhow, that hurts and I am not sure what, if anything, I can do to deal with it.
On the second front, I went and visited one of my closest friends, R, and her friend who I have become close with, we will call her C, in Louisville, KY. Originally, R introduced me to C as a potential free place to stay when I move out there. However, uring the time that C and I have gotten to know each other we developed a bit of a long distance relationship. Bad move on our part certainly. My first and now guaranteed only attempt. Anyhow, I went to visit them and stayed with C for six days. The first two days were awesome followed by a pretty rough two days and things started to fall into place during the last two days and of course I had to leave just as things were becoming comfortable and figuring themselves out. We are both pretty strong individuals with her needing more space than even I do so we got a little too much of each other that early in the relationship. We determined easily that while we could date, we could not be roommates and do so. Makes perfect sense but makes it tough to move out there and get my feet underneath me. We also decided to back up our relationship to simply dating. That is much tougher as I have strong feelings for her. I get the sense that she has not nearly as strong of feelings for me. Now, I may get another place out there but I am waiting to hear back about it...waiting sucks. I can still stay with C while I try to find a place and job but I have no interest on putting my feeling for her on hold while I am her roommate. Moving across county is too complicated without all the extra emotional messes I have created. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!
I am so down right now. Right as I thought my life was making an upturn it got all complicated and stressful again. Oh well, not like I expected to catch a break ever. Fuck!
Families...They all have issues. I have been dealing with feuding parents since I was three. They accuse each other of cheating, they live separately, and it's just plain no good. I feel your pain, especially now that I am removed from them by 240 miles and don't know what's going on while I'm busy trying to deal with the stresses of college.
I can only offer you as much comfort as the internet will allow.
(((Hugz))) again.
for joining my cartoon group!