gunnlaugr

Being retrospective and thinking about things going on in my life. It feels I'm going through the motions of day to day life but not taking any joy in it. In some ways as I've been reading the Dexter books, some of it I can identify with, well not the urge to kill people or have a shadow voice echoing in the deep dark corners of what should be a soul, lol. Excellent books though! I just mean sometimes it feels like I put on a fake front for friends and co-workers, things are great, couldn't be happier, blah blah blah. This turns into with the exceptions of going out with a few friends, I don't have the desire to keep putting up that fake persona and don't go out often lately. Just feels draining and I'm enjoying reading books, working out, and playing my guitar. Sometimes I just wonder why someone like myself just like many others are good people yet can't find someone who sees it and there is mutual chemistry. Going on date after date being disappointed by the image people on the internet see themselves as versus reality. Hell I'm sure I'm guilty of that but I'm pretty much what you see is what you get. Meeting someone who could have swallowed their former self from their picture is a bit disturbing. Yet I'm the bad guy because I'm not attracted to someone who is literally wider then me which is saying a lot....
If anyone actually reads this, thanks for reading my whining and I know life could be much worse but sometimes not horrible can be close to shit anyway.