gundamzig

Why do i bother to try and go out in the hopes that something may happen when i know it won't. Everyone in whom i had an interest was with someone else, even the one woman who did actually talk to me once. Everytime i go, i feel left out on living. The only other realistic option is hiding inside and never going out socially. i can't tell which feeling of emptiness is worse.

i keep realising that i am a dinosaur whose time has passed and evolution has picked others to continue, not me. My brother and neighbor are even conspirong to drag me to a whorehouse (legal here) if something doesn't give. They don't realise how appaled i am at the idea, not on any judgemental, moral highground, only that i would rather die never knowing the sweetness of another woman's company than to have it purchased. The fact that it has come to that only deepens the hole in my soul.
i doubt if anyone will read this, or more than one. I have not recieved a comment form the two beautiful women on my friends list., that shows you how deep the hole is. ( if either reads this, please don't take it the wrong way)
Oh well, fuck it. i am beat(en).