Friday Sep 03, 2004

0
Gonna be flying back to the states in less than 10 hours. maryland here i come. If you see any news about a US Air flight coming to grief on the way to Pittsburgh or Baltimore, that would probably be me, knowing my luck. Here's hoping not. Maybe i will be able to post whn i get there, if anyone is reading anyway. skull skull

Tuesday Aug 31, 2004

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Why do i read other people's entries? All i see are people having waaaay more fun than i am. i have gotten to where Iidon't/can't think of spending a hot time with anyone. On top of it all, the fucking cough has returned and i can't shake it.
At least i get my new post for my tongue tomorrow ( ihope), i leave for Baltimore...
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Monday Aug 30, 2004

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Listen to this a few times in a row (album version), and the Marilyn Manson's covers of 'Sweet Dreams' and 'Tainted Love.'
That's where my mind is.

Attenuate the light of day
So I can see the lines and details
And not the hazy, plastic blur
That floods my eyes till I can't see


Let the wind erase me
Like the memory of a kiss...
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Saturday Aug 28, 2004

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Sometimes a song can sum it up better.

I haven't felt so alive in years
The sun is shining down on me
My eyes are welling up with tears
Tears of joy, tears of ecstasy

Emotions I once kept concealed
Now flow freely like a river
Life's great mysteries revealed
Love's great promise delivered


I hate my life I want to die
I was just...
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Friday Aug 27, 2004

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For the second time i had to see my bro leave for Iraq today. I am off to get ripped. I would rather fail at my own happiness, if it meant his safe return home. Sounds like to easy a bet. I pray to the guardians for strength and all my friends and loved ones' safety, even at cost of my own.
skull

Tuesday Aug 24, 2004

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Didn't go ut tonight. Been feeling to humbled as of late and my bro goes back to Iraq in a few days. I only have tomorrow off while he is still here and din't want to spend it in an alcoholics coma. Besides, i know i would have failed tonight anyway.
skull

Saturday Aug 21, 2004

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Why do i bother to try and go out in the hopes that something may happen when i know it won't. Everyone in whom i had an interest was with someone else, even the one woman who did actually talk to me once. Everytime i go, i feel left out on living. The only other realistic option is hiding inside and never going out socially....
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Thursday Aug 19, 2004

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Went and had my first real piercing today. Punched a hole in my tongue. Stupid thing was that I forgot to eat before I had it done. Smart (and hungry). On top of that, I am expectdeto drink AND talk to people tomorrow night at the club. OOOOPs.

i did finally break down and talk to a woman. Last minute. She shared her drink with...
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Monday Aug 16, 2004

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If anyone gives a ratsazzz, I have new pics online of trip ayear ago through NW Europe. I have some that look better, but only on film. I will have more pics of Wurzburg and Rothenburg.

i hate the feeling of emptiness and the fear that i will not love anyone else. My friend claims there may be some people with interests in me, but...
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sydni:
why jealous, honey??? frown
I hope things look up for you...I know how that feels and it totally sucked. I know it sounds like a self help book, but just remember that you are completely unique as everyone else is, and that means you have something totally wonderful for someone else to appreciate...okay, done being Dr. Phil...but seriously sweetie, there is someone out there, and you have not lost your ability to attract, its just rusty. Just be fearless and put yourself out there and something great is bound to happen eventually....

smooches...
Dr. Sydni smile

P.S. everyone deserves happiness...no matter who they are-so what are you gonna do to go get it??

[Edited on Aug 16, 2004 6:50PM]

[Edited on Aug 16, 2004 6:51PM]

Friday Aug 13, 2004

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Christ, I hate me. A friend, unwittingly, dredged up one of the most painful memories. I can't explain like this ( if anyone wsnts to know/really cares they will have to let me tell them directly). It doesn'tinvolve the woman here. For once, thankfully, she isn't the source of my pain. It is the one who wasn't. The blackest hole in me. I meant to...
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Thursday Aug 12, 2004

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'Nother lame day. Work had to send one of my co-workers, since we go drinking together sometimes, to tell me I had to take the polish of my nails. It was "unprofessional looking"and didn't fit into the military environment. Some asshole officer complained and our genteel, uptight boss wasn't happy either. I thought she might understand that appearance doesn't dictate performance, far too trusting for...
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