gumbercules81

I find it amusing that all the people closing Starkey Road tonight are sic,k of working at the coffee shop.The evening began with a quiet, low key, shielded animosity towards working, and slowly degenerated into an open tear of "fuck this" every five minutes. You have to admit, getting paid no more than 7.00 an hour no matter how much time and effort you've put into working for an establishment is pretty piss poor. For me, I enjoy this work, but I'm just getting sick of serving some of these motherfuckers. We get a great crowd of regulars both during the daytime and night, and they're the ones I come back for. It's the occasional Roanoke rich prick that irritates the moral fibers in my being and makes me wish I were elsewhere. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not about to quit...yet. Give me a year or so and let me see if I get into grad school. Every day I become more aware of the necessity to get out of Roanoke and make something of myself. It's just time. Syracuse University and American University are going to receive e-mails from me in the very near future inquiring about their English programs. I nearly applied to American last year but backed off because I didn't have the money. This year I'm just saying "fuck it." Furthering my education is something I want to do, something that I know I live for. T.S. Eliot wrote "I've measured out my life in coffee spoons." I wonder how many shots of espresso I've pulled. You slowly come to the realization that unless you own your own business or work in the academic community in some capacity, or unless you invent something, you basically work your ass off and wear your existence out so that someone else can get richer. That's just how America works. It is time to claim my life as my own.

I feel so empty inside now. The regular night time customer super hot super intelligent high school girl has left for the University of South Carolina. The first bit of small talk I made with her this summer was regarding Ayn Rand. She was reading "The Fountainhead," and I expressed my complete and utter distaste for Ayn Rand and her "let's fuck everyone over, since they have no right to complain" philosophy, and we actually had a fulfilling discussion. This girl is the last of a dying kind - the intelligent, attractive high school girl who doesn't hide her brain behind an airhead faccade. I really wish that she had gone to Roanoke College or Virginia Tech, even Hollins, someplace local so I could see her every now and then. But no, she's in fucking Columbia, South Carolina now. I was talking to one of the guys at work tonight about her (she had a send off last night at Starkey with her friends and we all said goodbye; she's just an awesome person) and decided I should go down to Columbia and show up and be like, "HEY! You go to school here? Wow, think of the coincidence! I just happened to be on campus for...that thing." Or have a nice "Stella" exchange: "I have bad news. You're boyfriend, Steve. He's been cheating on you." "Cheating? With who?" "With...um...with Betty." "Betty Harris?" "Yeah, Betty Harris." "Betty Harris moved back to Cailfornia after two weeks." "Yeah, I know...um...yeah." Ah, I hate the fact that all the women I'm attracted to these days are in high school. At least they've all been 18, so the creepiness isn't too overpowering.

this is your history
you made what you will be
facts are of no concern
they upset your story