I have had a pretty bad day today.
I got to the pub absolutely soaked because my dad couldnt give me a lift, so this made me in a bad mood, and this made me drink.
By 1pm I was pretty far gone and I just kept going.
Then I eventually got home and just felt like death, so spent the rest of the day in bed feeling like an idiot, which is a pretty accurate description of myself right now.
I woke up and watched the Portugal v Spain match with dad, which was nice, but Im still a little pissed at him from yesterday, which I dont think I mentioned..
Yesterday I was telling him how I am in more debt than I now know what to do with (Not because I expected a loan I might add, he is no better off than I am) and I said I have therapy this week (tomorrow), a trip with my friends, bills, etc etc. And he said he doesnt understand why I think I need therapy. To which I replied Dad is there any point in me trying to explain this to you, when you havent tried to talk to me about it, I understand people from your generation may see it as a sign of weakness or choose not to understand it, but quite honestly I feel I need this help and this is how I am choosing to deal with it. You know the past 4 years have been dire, nothing has gone right in all of that time, and now it has all just blown up and I need to sort myself out.
To which he replied Ive been through exactly the same stuff as you and you dont see me going to therapy do you?
I just could not comprehend this. He hasnt been through any of the same stuff as me apart from the loss of my mum, which he constantly talks to me about but I just cant talk to him about it.
Aside from that, I have been in constant physical pain, had cancer, been wheelchair bound for a year, been treat like shit by all of my friends and my ex, and become just a horrible horrible person. And on top of all of this, the pain is worsening and is showing no signs of getting better. So no dad, you have not been through everything I have been through.
And he still hates that I go to therapy and I know he is judging me for it.
It just makes me incredibly angry. Hopefully actual therapy tomorrow will calm this down or I dont know what I am going to do.
I got to the pub absolutely soaked because my dad couldnt give me a lift, so this made me in a bad mood, and this made me drink.
By 1pm I was pretty far gone and I just kept going.
Then I eventually got home and just felt like death, so spent the rest of the day in bed feeling like an idiot, which is a pretty accurate description of myself right now.
I woke up and watched the Portugal v Spain match with dad, which was nice, but Im still a little pissed at him from yesterday, which I dont think I mentioned..
Yesterday I was telling him how I am in more debt than I now know what to do with (Not because I expected a loan I might add, he is no better off than I am) and I said I have therapy this week (tomorrow), a trip with my friends, bills, etc etc. And he said he doesnt understand why I think I need therapy. To which I replied Dad is there any point in me trying to explain this to you, when you havent tried to talk to me about it, I understand people from your generation may see it as a sign of weakness or choose not to understand it, but quite honestly I feel I need this help and this is how I am choosing to deal with it. You know the past 4 years have been dire, nothing has gone right in all of that time, and now it has all just blown up and I need to sort myself out.
To which he replied Ive been through exactly the same stuff as you and you dont see me going to therapy do you?
I just could not comprehend this. He hasnt been through any of the same stuff as me apart from the loss of my mum, which he constantly talks to me about but I just cant talk to him about it.
Aside from that, I have been in constant physical pain, had cancer, been wheelchair bound for a year, been treat like shit by all of my friends and my ex, and become just a horrible horrible person. And on top of all of this, the pain is worsening and is showing no signs of getting better. So no dad, you have not been through everything I have been through.
And he still hates that I go to therapy and I know he is judging me for it.
It just makes me incredibly angry. Hopefully actual therapy tomorrow will calm this down or I dont know what I am going to do.
What I can say is, keep up what you're doing... strive to make it better, rather than sitting and letting it eat you alive. I wish you the best... I hope that things get better for you, and that you can see the brighter side of it all, despite all the bad things.
Be well, friend.
You've obviously had a real tough time. Do whatever you can to help yourself. If your dad doesn't want to do that for himself then that's his choice. He shouldn't judge you for your decision.
Hope it goes well for you.