guinnevere

so last night i went to the bday party of a former friend who is now the indie fuck gf of a local semi celeb- aka bass player of a local band. everyone there was so slick haired, white shoed, steve maddened. in the midst of all the cheek kissing and ass kissing and indie sway dancing, my heart broke into a million pieces and fell onto the floor and all remaining faith i had in the general goodness of humanity leaked out onto the floor and mixed with a spilled bellini-tini. i was so discouraged i had to leave. so i sit outside with the ultimate love of my life, on cushy linen benches with tiny metal tables that have tiny metal leaves winding up their legs in front of us. and we talk about how pissed off we are. yeah, we're pissed off. im pissed off that there werent riots. im pissed off someone doesnt assasinate him. im pissed off about my social security and how much my gramma pays for her subscriptions every month. im pissed off about my husband getting layed off and pissed off about all the new defense jobs. im pissed off that i work and buy here to support an economy with which i dont agree. im pissed of that someone doesnt eradicate the US and force the rest of us to farm the highways and live in our huge SUVs. but most of all im pissed of that i didnt do anything. i said i would but i didnt do a damn thing. i sat on my apathetic ass and complained about it in my blog. what the fuck happened to me? i got scared. i got 401k, i got money, i got payments. i used to have hemp, flowers sneaked from church landscaping at night, tears, pointless jobs that made you feel good, freedom, solidarity, sweat, mushrooms.

i dont know what the hell im trying to say here. i give up.

tomorrow i am going to possibly endenture myself to the US a little bit more by buying a new car. at a car dealership, with payments, like a grown up. not from the classifieds with $1500 cash i saved up for a year. *sigh* what the fuck. sometimes my life is unbearbale.

my friend said im just down about the election. well, hes goddamn right. im mightily pissed off. im pissed off in a system we have, our whole lives, been led to believe works. and im not one of those people whos political every four years. im going to be mad for a long, long time. i was cheated out of everything i believe[d] in.