guffous

Wow, what a bittersweet life I have led for the past 2 years. I suppose that everyone's life is just that; bittersweet. We all have ups and downs...triumphs and tragedies...that's how it works. Over that period of time though, my highs and lows have been trending towards the extremes, with my overall situation in a slow, steady decline.

Often times, my few posts here have been about bitching and holler'n about my situation. I'm not doing that today. I'm just...reflective I guess. I wonder why I have been so rudderless and seemingly adrift. I'm befuddled at what to do about it and I'm beginning to wonder if this is how the second half of my life will evolve.

My conclusion is this; I was either a horrible, horrible person in a past life...or I'm in the middle of some sort of accidental life lesson journey...or something else entirely that I do not understand. All I know is that for forty years, I was driving my life and no obstacle was too big. Now? Hmmmm.

I watched a great movie over the weekend, Invictus. It's a docu-drama about Nelson Mandela and how he helped motivate his Country's Rugby team to a world championship...a team comprised of white players, save one. Invictus is actually a poem written by William Henley. It's a poem that I probably read in college, but it never struck a chord with me. It does now. It's beautiful;

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Hang tough out there...