Omigosh!!
Why should I make this post? What the fuck am I thinking? Why? Why do I want to do this to myself??
Hmmm... There is no sensible answer.
I've noticed over time that lots of people vent and lament in their blogs here, so what the hell?? Why not me too??
Okay, here's the deal, back when I was in high school, I crushed up BIGTIME to this girl. Oddly enough, she was equally crushed up to me too. We never did have sex, but the tension for it was absolutely off the scale. Problem was, we couldn't be together. You see, we met over a summer trip. She lived in Houston, I lived in Pensacola. We kept in touch as the years went by, but soon after I joined the Air Force, she went through some rebellious breakdown and dropped contact with me. Turned out she got hooked up with drugs, sex parties, and just a lot of high impact negativity. Lucky for her, a lonely guy 13 years her senior came along when she was in her early 20's and helped her get her shit together. Now she's been married to the guy for 20 years. They have no kids, she has two degrees; one in music, one in psychology, she still burns a little weed every now and again... but now at 43, she still looks amazing.
So, anyhow, it turns out she never stopped thinking about me after all the years much as I have never completely let go of her in my mind either; and so evidently she recently had a bit of an emotional breakdown over her lack of "closure" with me and told her husband about it. Well, he's a really great guy who obviously puts her happiness way out front so he decided to put her back in touch with me. He started by looking me up (and finding me) on Facebook. Once he found me, he led her to my FB page and she "friended" me. Well I ain't gonna lie, the magnetism for each other is still just as ferocious as it ever was! We text a lot, we speak on the phone for hours, and she even sends me occasional mmm... other things...
Despite it all, I can't steal her from her life in Houston. Just wouldn't be right. You just don't betray a guy like her husband who cares for her enough to do what he did to put us back in touch with each other. Still, you can't exactly ignore the way you feel. She has made it abundantly clear that if it weren't for the distance between us, she would have no qualms or reservations about making up for lost time. I know it would be a BAD IDEA, and it would bring about MUCH collateral damage, but I can't say I would give two shits about any consequences if she and I were close enough that I could smell her perfume again.
The other day, she sent me a letter... old school style in her natural handwriting via the Post Office with a hit of fragrance delivered by body contact (smells like her lotion you little sickos, get your minds out of the gutter...). Of course the verbiage of the letter was in fact PLENTY deep in the gutter...
So, you're probably wondering where am I going with this? Well, in a prior phone conversation I told her about how I work at sea, and how when I get off the ship, I always come back "hurting for some quality touch". She asked me what I meant by that. Since she wrote me a letter, I'm now thinking about sending her this in reply:
What is Touch?
To ask what is touch is to ask what everything is. Every sense you have be it physical, mental or emotional is based in one form or another of touch.
Physical:
Sight Your sense of vision is a product of how your eyes feel the light and translate it into shapes that your brain can understand.
Hearing Your sense of hearing is from how tiny bones in your ear vibrate to audible pressure waves (that they feel) creating the sounds that you hear.
Taste Tiny taste buds on your tongue are bathed in particulates when you put food (or whatever else) in your mouth. Those buds translate what they feel into the flavors that your brain recognizes.
Smell Just like your taste buds, tiny olfactory organs in your nose actually translate the fragrances of whatever particulates touch them into the scents your brain can understand.
Touch Although touch is generally pigeonholed as being a sense resident to your hands alone, your skin does in fact cover your entire body. As such, the physical touch tends to be one of the most neglected and depravated of all your senses. A sad fact really, as it genuinely has the most to offer.
Mental:
Intuition Why do we say things like I feel like you arent telling me the truth?
Caution I dont feel safe here
Confidence Do you feel up to this?
Accomplishment I feel like Ive done all I can do
Closure I feel like this is finally over
Emotional:
Anger Why do we say things like I feel like putting his face through a wall!?
Respect I get the feeling you dont like me very much
Disappointment I really feel you could have made a much better decision than that
Magnetism I feel like we belong together
Abandonment Im in so much pain over how it all ended
Why do we say it like that? Because there is no other way to say it. Its just like saying I saw you in my dreams last night How could you have seen me in your dreams if you see through your eyes and your eyes were closed as you slept? What happened was you saw me as a memory inside your mind where your visionary senses give messages to your brain. So once again, there is simply no other way to say it, and yes, it is absolutely real because everything is touch and that touch is connected directly to the translations in your brain. Physical and Mental are all about the touch in your brain, and Emotional sense is about the touch in your soul.
The bottom line is this; everything is touch, and YOU TOUCH ME DEEP. You always have, and youve always done it without even trying. Its good that weve never been together. I would never have let you go afterwards because you would give me a quality of touch that I would soon be unable to live without. I would never be able to get enough of you. I would drink you in with huge draughts. Drink in the sight of you, drink in the sound of your voice and your talent with instruments, I would drink in the smell of your lotion, perfume, shampoo, natural pheremones and of course I would drink in the taste of your kiss. But most of all, I would drink in your physical touch. I would drink it greedily and voraciously like a black hole in space drinks in everything around it including light. I am not a jealous natured person, but my nature would become affected because I would come to NEED your touch like I need air.
Well its late now (her name) and Im off to bed. Ill be seeing you in my dreams.
So whatever... I'm probably some kind of self abusing, anguish inflicting sicko if I send this off to her. In my natural handwriting via the Post Office. I mean, I REALLY don't want to steal her, but I do want her to understand what she does to me.
Would a letter like this lead to a stealing of you??
Why should I make this post? What the fuck am I thinking? Why? Why do I want to do this to myself??
Hmmm... There is no sensible answer.
I've noticed over time that lots of people vent and lament in their blogs here, so what the hell?? Why not me too??
Okay, here's the deal, back when I was in high school, I crushed up BIGTIME to this girl. Oddly enough, she was equally crushed up to me too. We never did have sex, but the tension for it was absolutely off the scale. Problem was, we couldn't be together. You see, we met over a summer trip. She lived in Houston, I lived in Pensacola. We kept in touch as the years went by, but soon after I joined the Air Force, she went through some rebellious breakdown and dropped contact with me. Turned out she got hooked up with drugs, sex parties, and just a lot of high impact negativity. Lucky for her, a lonely guy 13 years her senior came along when she was in her early 20's and helped her get her shit together. Now she's been married to the guy for 20 years. They have no kids, she has two degrees; one in music, one in psychology, she still burns a little weed every now and again... but now at 43, she still looks amazing.
So, anyhow, it turns out she never stopped thinking about me after all the years much as I have never completely let go of her in my mind either; and so evidently she recently had a bit of an emotional breakdown over her lack of "closure" with me and told her husband about it. Well, he's a really great guy who obviously puts her happiness way out front so he decided to put her back in touch with me. He started by looking me up (and finding me) on Facebook. Once he found me, he led her to my FB page and she "friended" me. Well I ain't gonna lie, the magnetism for each other is still just as ferocious as it ever was! We text a lot, we speak on the phone for hours, and she even sends me occasional mmm... other things...
Despite it all, I can't steal her from her life in Houston. Just wouldn't be right. You just don't betray a guy like her husband who cares for her enough to do what he did to put us back in touch with each other. Still, you can't exactly ignore the way you feel. She has made it abundantly clear that if it weren't for the distance between us, she would have no qualms or reservations about making up for lost time. I know it would be a BAD IDEA, and it would bring about MUCH collateral damage, but I can't say I would give two shits about any consequences if she and I were close enough that I could smell her perfume again.
The other day, she sent me a letter... old school style in her natural handwriting via the Post Office with a hit of fragrance delivered by body contact (smells like her lotion you little sickos, get your minds out of the gutter...). Of course the verbiage of the letter was in fact PLENTY deep in the gutter...
So, you're probably wondering where am I going with this? Well, in a prior phone conversation I told her about how I work at sea, and how when I get off the ship, I always come back "hurting for some quality touch". She asked me what I meant by that. Since she wrote me a letter, I'm now thinking about sending her this in reply:
What is Touch?
To ask what is touch is to ask what everything is. Every sense you have be it physical, mental or emotional is based in one form or another of touch.
Physical:
Sight Your sense of vision is a product of how your eyes feel the light and translate it into shapes that your brain can understand.
Hearing Your sense of hearing is from how tiny bones in your ear vibrate to audible pressure waves (that they feel) creating the sounds that you hear.
Taste Tiny taste buds on your tongue are bathed in particulates when you put food (or whatever else) in your mouth. Those buds translate what they feel into the flavors that your brain recognizes.
Smell Just like your taste buds, tiny olfactory organs in your nose actually translate the fragrances of whatever particulates touch them into the scents your brain can understand.
Touch Although touch is generally pigeonholed as being a sense resident to your hands alone, your skin does in fact cover your entire body. As such, the physical touch tends to be one of the most neglected and depravated of all your senses. A sad fact really, as it genuinely has the most to offer.
Mental:
Intuition Why do we say things like I feel like you arent telling me the truth?
Caution I dont feel safe here
Confidence Do you feel up to this?
Accomplishment I feel like Ive done all I can do
Closure I feel like this is finally over
Emotional:
Anger Why do we say things like I feel like putting his face through a wall!?
Respect I get the feeling you dont like me very much
Disappointment I really feel you could have made a much better decision than that
Magnetism I feel like we belong together
Abandonment Im in so much pain over how it all ended
Why do we say it like that? Because there is no other way to say it. Its just like saying I saw you in my dreams last night How could you have seen me in your dreams if you see through your eyes and your eyes were closed as you slept? What happened was you saw me as a memory inside your mind where your visionary senses give messages to your brain. So once again, there is simply no other way to say it, and yes, it is absolutely real because everything is touch and that touch is connected directly to the translations in your brain. Physical and Mental are all about the touch in your brain, and Emotional sense is about the touch in your soul.
The bottom line is this; everything is touch, and YOU TOUCH ME DEEP. You always have, and youve always done it without even trying. Its good that weve never been together. I would never have let you go afterwards because you would give me a quality of touch that I would soon be unable to live without. I would never be able to get enough of you. I would drink you in with huge draughts. Drink in the sight of you, drink in the sound of your voice and your talent with instruments, I would drink in the smell of your lotion, perfume, shampoo, natural pheremones and of course I would drink in the taste of your kiss. But most of all, I would drink in your physical touch. I would drink it greedily and voraciously like a black hole in space drinks in everything around it including light. I am not a jealous natured person, but my nature would become affected because I would come to NEED your touch like I need air.
Well its late now (her name) and Im off to bed. Ill be seeing you in my dreams.
So whatever... I'm probably some kind of self abusing, anguish inflicting sicko if I send this off to her. In my natural handwriting via the Post Office. I mean, I REALLY don't want to steal her, but I do want her to understand what she does to me.
Would a letter like this lead to a stealing of you??
I think sharing might be a better route than stealing.