I'm in a major jonez for theFirefly movie, Serenity to come out (September 30 is *so* far away!), so I'm gonna put up a list ofsome of my favorite quotes from the aborted TV series.
It *amazes* me how much 'Mal' I am, sometimes.
[edit]
I think we should get together an SG event for the premiere of Firefly (Sept 30)...anyone else up for it?
[/edit]
Pilot:
JAYNE: Ten percent of nothing is -- let me do the math here -- nothing into nothing, carry the nothin --
BOOK: I brought you some supper, but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire... one has lepers.
ZOE: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
MAL: Gettin' awful crowded in my sky.
KAYLEE: You're nice, too.
MAL: No, I'm not. I'm a mean old man
ZOE: She still has the advantage over us.
MAL: Everyone always does. That's what makes us special.
MAL: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.
MAL: We're still flying.
SIMON: That's not much.
MAL: It's enough.
The Train Job (1AGE01)
MAL: I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling, so why don't we just ignore each other 'til we go away?
MAL: Drunks are so cute.
MAL: See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety.
MAL: Well, they tell you never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is on occasion hilarious.
MAL: ...shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzys or some such?
BOOK: Oh, I've got heathens aplenty right here.
INARA: What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?
MAL: That it was manly and impulsive?
MAL: Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
NISKA: You do not like I kill this man.
MAL: Oh, no. I'm sure he was a very bad person.
NISKA: My wife's nephew. At dinner, I'm getting earful.
ZOE: Sir? I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
MAL: Hell, this job I would pull for free.
ZOE: Can I have your share?
MAL: No.
ZOE: If you die, can I have your share?
MAL: Yes.
JAYNE: These are stone killers, little man. They ain't cuddly like me.
WASH: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Bushwhacked (1AGE02)
MAL: It's a real burden being right so often.
MAL: If I didn't know better, I'd think we were dangerous.
HARKEN: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
ZOE: Fought with a lot of people in the war.
HARKEN: And your husband?
ZOE: Fight with him sometimes, too.
Shindig (1AGE03)
BADGER: You think you're better than other people.
MAL: Just the ones I'm better than.
BADGER: 'Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I got my hands on a couple.
MAL: He's supposed to be old, kinda stocky, wears a red sash crossways.
KAYLEE: Why does he do that?
MAL: Maybe he won the Miss Persephone Pageant.
WASH: Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all corpsified and gross...
INARA: How did I avoid that?
MAL: By being fast like a freak?
MAL: Sure, it's humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. Guess I'm just a good man. Well, I'm all right.
MAL: See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown.
INARA: It wasn't entirely a disaster.
MAL: I got stabbed! Right here!
Safe (1AGE04)
MAL: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with.
ZOE: Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.
WASH: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.
RIVER: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the sky and they remember what they are.
SIMON: I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.
BOOK: Afraid I might be needing a preacher.
MAL: That's good. You lie there and be ironical.
JAYNE: "Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
ZOE: You sanguine about the kind of reception we're up to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap?
MAL: Absolutely. What's "sanguine" mean?
MAL: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
ZOE: Big damn heroes, sir.
MAL: Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.
MAL: So then Shepherd says to a Companion, "Well, a good goat would do that."
Our Mrs. Reynolds (1AGE05)
MAL: I swear by my pretty flowered bonnet, I will end you.
MAL: Like woman, I'm a mystery.
ZOE: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
MAL: Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
JAYNE: That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.
MAL: But she was naked! And all... articulate!
WASH: Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here.
JAYNE: See, Vera? Dress yourself up; you get taken out somewhere fun.
Jaynestown (1AGE06)
KAYLEE: Bye now. Have good sex.
JAYNE: Instead of us hanging around playing art critic till I get pinched by the Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day?
RIVER: Bible's broken.
MAL: It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him, was one kind of sumbitch or another.
Out of Gas (1AGE07
MAL: Everybody dies alone.
MAL: Well. Looks can be deceiving.
JAYNE: Not as deceiving as a low down dirty... deceiver.
Ariel (1AGE08)
SIMON: Could you not do that while we're... ever?
JAYNE: If I had wanted schooling, I'da gone to school.
MAL: Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That's bound to make anyone a mite ornery.
ZOE: Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.
JAYNE: You stop flapping that pretty mouth at me.
War Stories (1AGE09)
BOOK: Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
SIMON: No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.
MAL: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.
ZOE: Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
WASH: You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes.
WASH: I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it.
SIMON: You are my beautiful sister.
RIVER: I threw up on your bed.
SIMON: Yep. Definitely my sister.
WASH: I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure.
WASH: Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity.
WASH: You she obeys! She obeys you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!
JAYNE: Could be he's harboring some resentment at us for putting his man through our engine.
WASH: Grenades?
ZOE: Oh, yes. Thank you, dear.
ZOE: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
BOOK: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.
NISKA: You died, Mr. Reynolds.
MAL: Seemed like the thing to do.
Heart of Gold (1AGE10)
MAL: This distress call wouldn't be taking
place in someone's pants, would it?
NANDI: If they got guns, and brains at all...
INARA: They have guns.
INARA: suppose you heard most of that?
MAL: Only 'cause I was eavesdropping.
JAYNE: Don't much see the benefit in getting
involved in strangers' troubles
without a upfront price negotiated.
[...]
MAL:They're whores.
JAYNE: I'm in.
NANDI: And you look exactly the same as the day I left. How do you do that out here?
MAL: Sheer force of will.
MAL:Any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.
JAYNE: Can I start getting sexed already?
KAYLEE: Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all.
WASH: You'd really lie with someone being paid for it?
KAYLEE: Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know, examine me...
KAYLEE: Everybody's got somebody... Wash, tell me I'm pretty...
WASH: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
KAYLEE: 'Cause I'm pretty?
WASH: 'Cause you're pretty.
KAYLEE: Thank you. That was very restorative.
MAL: Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?
INARA: Will you wash it first?
MAL: I'll never understand rich folk. All that money, this is what they do with it.
INARA: It's art.
MAL: It's puppets.
INARA: It's puppet art.
MAL: Iswear to you, its like money and good taste are inversely proportional.
INARA: That might make you the most tasteful man I've ever met.
MAL: Well, lady I must say-- You're my kinda stupid.
MAL: The Dulcimer drove you out of Sihnon. What, did you kill a dulcimer in a terrible passion?
MAL: It takes more'n a few drinks to render my judgement blurry. What about you? Am I getting any prettier?
Objects in Space (1AGE13)
SIMON: This is a morality tale about the evils of sake.
JAYNE: You mean like masturbating?
WASH: Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?
ZOE: Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up.
WASH: I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it.
JAYNE: Anybody remember her comin' at me with a butcher's knife?
WASH: Wacky fun.
JAYNE: You wanna go, little man?
WASH: Only if it's someplace with candlelight.
JAYNE: She killed 'em with mathematics. What else could it have been?
WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?
JAYNE: Yeah, and if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak.
EARLY: You folks are all insane.
SIMON: Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood.
RIVER: I know you have questions.
MAL: That would be why I just asked them.
EARLY: You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the most troublesome.
Trash (1AGE12)
MAL: Yep... That went well.
MONTY: Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then y-- I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR YOU,
DEVIL WOMAN!
MAL: I'm plenty civilized. You're using wiles on me.
JAYNE: Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
RIVER: Jayne is a girl's name.
INARA: So you've never pretended
ZOE: Well, never is a strong word... sometimes it's easier.
INARA: What about with Wash?
ZOE: One time. Poor boy was bone-tired...
INARA: And?
ZOE: He knew. Son of a bitch called me on it.
INARA: That's the one you marry.
ZOE: Damn right.
MAL: Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act.
DURRAN: Well. I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but --
MAL: I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta move.
MAL: Little bit. I seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I'd see you naked.
RIVER: Also, I can kill you with my brain.
The Message (1AGE13)
WASH: A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.
JAYNE: Damn straight.
JAYNE: What'd you all order a dead guy for?
ZOE: Well, at least they covered "Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get yourself shot".
MAL: Oh! That was bracing. They don't like it when you shoot at them. I worked that out myself.
MAL: Vitelli's out of it. That bumblebee laid down arms at the first sign of inevitable crushing defeat, can you imagine such a cowardly creature?
MAL: Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone's carrying a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds you.
MAL: Don't strain your brain trying, then. Might break something.
WOMACK: Relax, you've been great. I was only bluffing with that stuff about arresting you, who needs that kind of paperwork? Skunk. Light him on fire.
MAL: And you never seen a man more proud of his mustache than Colonel Orbrin. In all my life I will never love a woman the way this officer loved that lip ferret.
JAYNE: Not unless this crate's made a' magical wish-granting planks.
JAYNE: Spry for a dead fella!
WASH: Mal, your dead army buddy's on the bridge!
MAL: You murdered yourself, son. I just carried the bullet for a while.
'When you can't run anymore, you
crawl... and when you can't do that--
You find someone... to carry you.'
It *amazes* me how much 'Mal' I am, sometimes.
[edit]
I think we should get together an SG event for the premiere of Firefly (Sept 30)...anyone else up for it?
[/edit]
Pilot:
JAYNE: Ten percent of nothing is -- let me do the math here -- nothing into nothing, carry the nothin --
BOOK: I brought you some supper, but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire... one has lepers.
ZOE: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
MAL: Gettin' awful crowded in my sky.
KAYLEE: You're nice, too.
MAL: No, I'm not. I'm a mean old man
ZOE: She still has the advantage over us.
MAL: Everyone always does. That's what makes us special.
MAL: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.
MAL: We're still flying.
SIMON: That's not much.
MAL: It's enough.
The Train Job (1AGE01)
MAL: I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling, so why don't we just ignore each other 'til we go away?
MAL: Drunks are so cute.
MAL: See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety.
MAL: Well, they tell you never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is on occasion hilarious.
MAL: ...shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzys or some such?
BOOK: Oh, I've got heathens aplenty right here.
INARA: What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?
MAL: That it was manly and impulsive?
MAL: Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
NISKA: You do not like I kill this man.
MAL: Oh, no. I'm sure he was a very bad person.
NISKA: My wife's nephew. At dinner, I'm getting earful.
ZOE: Sir? I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
MAL: Hell, this job I would pull for free.
ZOE: Can I have your share?
MAL: No.
ZOE: If you die, can I have your share?
MAL: Yes.
JAYNE: These are stone killers, little man. They ain't cuddly like me.
WASH: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Bushwhacked (1AGE02)
MAL: It's a real burden being right so often.
MAL: If I didn't know better, I'd think we were dangerous.
HARKEN: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
ZOE: Fought with a lot of people in the war.
HARKEN: And your husband?
ZOE: Fight with him sometimes, too.
Shindig (1AGE03)
BADGER: You think you're better than other people.
MAL: Just the ones I'm better than.
BADGER: 'Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I got my hands on a couple.
MAL: He's supposed to be old, kinda stocky, wears a red sash crossways.
KAYLEE: Why does he do that?
MAL: Maybe he won the Miss Persephone Pageant.
WASH: Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all corpsified and gross...
INARA: How did I avoid that?
MAL: By being fast like a freak?
MAL: Sure, it's humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. Guess I'm just a good man. Well, I'm all right.
MAL: See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown.
INARA: It wasn't entirely a disaster.
MAL: I got stabbed! Right here!
Safe (1AGE04)
MAL: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with.
ZOE: Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.
WASH: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.
RIVER: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the sky and they remember what they are.
SIMON: I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.
BOOK: Afraid I might be needing a preacher.
MAL: That's good. You lie there and be ironical.
JAYNE: "Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
ZOE: You sanguine about the kind of reception we're up to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap?
MAL: Absolutely. What's "sanguine" mean?
MAL: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
ZOE: Big damn heroes, sir.
MAL: Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.
MAL: So then Shepherd says to a Companion, "Well, a good goat would do that."
Our Mrs. Reynolds (1AGE05)
MAL: I swear by my pretty flowered bonnet, I will end you.
MAL: Like woman, I'm a mystery.
ZOE: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
MAL: Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
JAYNE: That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.
MAL: But she was naked! And all... articulate!
WASH: Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here.
JAYNE: See, Vera? Dress yourself up; you get taken out somewhere fun.
Jaynestown (1AGE06)
KAYLEE: Bye now. Have good sex.
JAYNE: Instead of us hanging around playing art critic till I get pinched by the Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day?
RIVER: Bible's broken.
MAL: It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him, was one kind of sumbitch or another.
Out of Gas (1AGE07
MAL: Everybody dies alone.
MAL: Well. Looks can be deceiving.
JAYNE: Not as deceiving as a low down dirty... deceiver.
Ariel (1AGE08)
SIMON: Could you not do that while we're... ever?
JAYNE: If I had wanted schooling, I'da gone to school.
MAL: Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That's bound to make anyone a mite ornery.
ZOE: Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.
JAYNE: You stop flapping that pretty mouth at me.
War Stories (1AGE09)
BOOK: Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
SIMON: No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.
MAL: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.
ZOE: Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
WASH: You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes.
WASH: I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it.
SIMON: You are my beautiful sister.
RIVER: I threw up on your bed.
SIMON: Yep. Definitely my sister.
WASH: I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure.
WASH: Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity.
WASH: You she obeys! She obeys you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!
JAYNE: Could be he's harboring some resentment at us for putting his man through our engine.
WASH: Grenades?
ZOE: Oh, yes. Thank you, dear.
ZOE: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
BOOK: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.
NISKA: You died, Mr. Reynolds.
MAL: Seemed like the thing to do.
Heart of Gold (1AGE10)
MAL: This distress call wouldn't be taking
place in someone's pants, would it?
NANDI: If they got guns, and brains at all...
INARA: They have guns.
INARA: suppose you heard most of that?
MAL: Only 'cause I was eavesdropping.
JAYNE: Don't much see the benefit in getting
involved in strangers' troubles
without a upfront price negotiated.
[...]
MAL:They're whores.
JAYNE: I'm in.
NANDI: And you look exactly the same as the day I left. How do you do that out here?
MAL: Sheer force of will.
MAL:Any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.
JAYNE: Can I start getting sexed already?
KAYLEE: Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all.
WASH: You'd really lie with someone being paid for it?
KAYLEE: Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know, examine me...
KAYLEE: Everybody's got somebody... Wash, tell me I'm pretty...
WASH: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
KAYLEE: 'Cause I'm pretty?
WASH: 'Cause you're pretty.
KAYLEE: Thank you. That was very restorative.
MAL: Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?
INARA: Will you wash it first?
MAL: I'll never understand rich folk. All that money, this is what they do with it.
INARA: It's art.
MAL: It's puppets.
INARA: It's puppet art.
MAL: Iswear to you, its like money and good taste are inversely proportional.
INARA: That might make you the most tasteful man I've ever met.
MAL: Well, lady I must say-- You're my kinda stupid.
MAL: The Dulcimer drove you out of Sihnon. What, did you kill a dulcimer in a terrible passion?
MAL: It takes more'n a few drinks to render my judgement blurry. What about you? Am I getting any prettier?
Objects in Space (1AGE13)
SIMON: This is a morality tale about the evils of sake.
JAYNE: You mean like masturbating?
WASH: Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?
ZOE: Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up.
WASH: I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it.
JAYNE: Anybody remember her comin' at me with a butcher's knife?
WASH: Wacky fun.
JAYNE: You wanna go, little man?
WASH: Only if it's someplace with candlelight.
JAYNE: She killed 'em with mathematics. What else could it have been?
WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?
JAYNE: Yeah, and if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak.
EARLY: You folks are all insane.
SIMON: Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood.
RIVER: I know you have questions.
MAL: That would be why I just asked them.
EARLY: You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the most troublesome.
Trash (1AGE12)
MAL: Yep... That went well.
MONTY: Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then y-- I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR YOU,
DEVIL WOMAN!
MAL: I'm plenty civilized. You're using wiles on me.
JAYNE: Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
RIVER: Jayne is a girl's name.
INARA: So you've never pretended
ZOE: Well, never is a strong word... sometimes it's easier.
INARA: What about with Wash?
ZOE: One time. Poor boy was bone-tired...
INARA: And?
ZOE: He knew. Son of a bitch called me on it.
INARA: That's the one you marry.
ZOE: Damn right.
MAL: Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act.
DURRAN: Well. I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but --
MAL: I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta move.
MAL: Little bit. I seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I'd see you naked.
RIVER: Also, I can kill you with my brain.
The Message (1AGE13)
WASH: A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.
JAYNE: Damn straight.
JAYNE: What'd you all order a dead guy for?
ZOE: Well, at least they covered "Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get yourself shot".
MAL: Oh! That was bracing. They don't like it when you shoot at them. I worked that out myself.
MAL: Vitelli's out of it. That bumblebee laid down arms at the first sign of inevitable crushing defeat, can you imagine such a cowardly creature?
MAL: Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone's carrying a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds you.
MAL: Don't strain your brain trying, then. Might break something.
WOMACK: Relax, you've been great. I was only bluffing with that stuff about arresting you, who needs that kind of paperwork? Skunk. Light him on fire.
MAL: And you never seen a man more proud of his mustache than Colonel Orbrin. In all my life I will never love a woman the way this officer loved that lip ferret.
JAYNE: Not unless this crate's made a' magical wish-granting planks.
JAYNE: Spry for a dead fella!
WASH: Mal, your dead army buddy's on the bridge!
MAL: You murdered yourself, son. I just carried the bullet for a while.
'When you can't run anymore, you
crawl... and when you can't do that--
You find someone... to carry you.'
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*skeeved out*
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