I had the hardest weekend of my life...My father died on Wednesday night of an apparent aneuresm while doing yard work in his church's playground. The decision to do an autopsy was up to me since I was biologically related to him (most of my other siblings were raised by him but not fathered my him). I declined after talking to people on the scene, the coronor, and the enbalmer. All signs point to an aortic aneurism...his abdomen ws bulging out at the scene of his death and the funeral home said it was full of blood. At least he was dead before he hit the ground.

Dealing with a parent's death is hard and I knew the time would come some time...just not so soon. I just never though I, in addition to 1 brother, would have to plan the funeral and settle his estate. The worst part is that since i live the closest to him, I have to be the one to clean out my home by myself and list what was in the house and sell it all off to pay for the funeral...it is horrifying...i am numb at this point.

My father was a deeply religious man and we did not agree on much socially and politically. We did in the last few months talk almost daily due to my illness and I have gained a lot of closure from this. He finally accepted BuffinMuffin as my girlfriend and loved her like a daughter. (This was a HUGE step for my father) His last words to her the last time we saw him a few weeks ago were "I appreciate everything you did for Liza (me) while she is in the hospital...you take good care of her...i feel like I have gained another daughter and I love you."

BuffinMuffin is taking his death very hard...he was like a father to her and became very close to him before he died.

My father died on my brother Owen's birthday and my other brother's wedding anniversary....the funeral was Saturday on my birthday...

My siblings and I have a very dark and witty sense of humor and the funeral in a backwoods area gave us many times to make jokes to lighten the mood...for some reason the church had an inflated moonwalk set up for children behind the church from an earlier event...when my brother Owen and I spied that we immediatly thought "Oh wow..something to bust out at the reception!"...then Owen said to my mother "Let's see how high we can bounce Dad on that!" Other jokes were about the Hatfields, one-armed men, and the bath and body works spray my sister sprayed on my Dad...

I still dont think it has all set in yet...I have been to busy with everything to mourn but I will get my alone time soon enough....