grlgoddess9

So much has happened and not all of it good, but somehow for the best. I don't feel the need to explain. Anyone knows what I mean and some how that is exactly what it's all about. I feel real. I feel like anybody else, like I'm everyone. Human. No angel, no rebel...Hi my name is Joe. Sue, Mary, (your name here) And it's amazing, connecting, invigorating from the inside out. Which only sounds how it should be, but the deal for me is usually that I see or hear or --whatever, it's outside then in. You feel the touch and you know love. Like that.

It's not so much like when I was kid and --wait not so. I would see someone and want to see them again and again and more and more. Not like now where I have to talk to you to love you. Not like now...now, I need phone calls and validations and reciprocation. all this mutual love. And what is so different now?

For me it sort of comes down to this. When I was a kid I so free to just see you and love you. I was so free about it I didn't even know I was free. Maybe I was like a stalker really only you had to be someoneI saw all the time, every day anyway. I didn't go out of my way to see you. You had to be already in my world and I was already in yours. That was all the mutual there was. I wasn't a note leaver or picture taker. Sometimes I 'd have a best friend and we'd love you together. Dress like you. We'd be a club of you.

It's funny it was never like trying to be the girl you'd like. If you had a girl, we would love her too. If you broke up with her and she still loved you. we woild sometime somehow manage to co-opt her.

Guys who dug me, I can see them in retrospect. Or if I run into someone now, who tells me how they themselves or someone else used to love me so much. I was only interested in my love, the love I felt and had.

But what I was saying about love now is people want from you. Because there isn't much more than work that I do all the time, it's not like there are people to crush on. Since I like to make more than a little bit of money, I seldom work places that I would love anyone I work with. Add to it that now you have to ferret out someone to get into --which is more stalked and stalker like than any of my earlier experiences with love, I can tell you.

And it's all this going out of your way stuff that makes the problems. Folks expect sex and time and all this other stuff, but strictly on their terms. It's that or I'm just loving all the wrong people. Which is entirely possible. Higly likely , now I think about it.

Wait how in hell did I get here from where I started?