For Ms. Hexe, I give you one of my infamous Philly-Centric stories...this one involving a certain drug-addicted neighbor of mine.
The Legend Of Crack-Head Mary
Ok, so it's not a legend persea. I used to live on the corner of Broad and Washington a few years back. Two blocks north was a Dunkin Donuts that I used to frequent before/after/during work. Mmmm....donuts. Anyway, a woman used to bother the living shit out of all of us around the store. She was 'affectionally' called CrackHead Mary by the clerks and regulars at the coffee shop. At least, that's what they used to yell at her when they were screaming at the skinny, knappy haired woman to leave the premises. I'd pull up in my News Truck (for that is what I drive in) and she would just pop out of no-where, asking me for money, food, chicklets...you name. Bothered the living hell out of you until you either A.) Gave Her What She Wanted or B.) Ran the Fuck away. Seriously....the woman would NOT be there one moment and then BAM...appear out of no-where is uber-beg mode. It really sucked at times, belive you me.
So, one day I'm casing the joint, jonesing for some coffee and donut goodness. I didnt want to pull into the shop with my News Van and give away my position. Thats how bad it got to be with old Crack-Head Mary. So, with a young boyish intern in tow, we scouted the area and found no Mary. With a sigh of relief, we park next to the taxis and make our way in. Thinking we were safe in the truck afterwards after getting our goods, we chilled out waiting for the next news assignment. All of the sudden, I feel the hairs begin to stand at the back of my neck, as if the temp had dropped 20 degrees. I look up, and staring at me from across the 4 lane street that is Broad, I see this crazed looking skinny woman. Its Crack-Head Mary, in the flesh. As if on cue, she begins waving her hands in the air, screaming and shouting. I quickly command my intern to buckle the fuck up, freaking the kid out. We secure the food and beverages and start the car up. Crack-Head Mary SPRINTS across the road, dodging the fast moving and heavy traffic with her super Crack-Enduced powers, screaming all the while, "MR. NEWS MAN, MR. NEWS MAN!!!". Im desperatley trying to get the fuck out of Dodge as fast as I can. Just as I get the car into reverse beging to pull out, she rides up on us and begins screaming at the window, "MR NEWSMAN, I NEED TO TALKS WITH YOU!!! HOLD UP MR. NEWSMAN!!!!". My poor intern is freaking out, staring in disbelief as I'm pantomiming to Mary that I have to drive away now...big news for me to cover. All the wile, shes banging the fuck out of my window and doors with her Super-Human Crack Powers. We make it out allright, thank goodness...she gave up and went back across the street to harrass the fine folx at the White Castle Burger Joint. To this day, my intern freaks out whenever he goes to Dunkin Donuts....
Next Week Episode, our Drunken Encounter with Crack-Head Mary at the White Castle Burger Joint....
The Legend Of Crack-Head Mary
Ok, so it's not a legend persea. I used to live on the corner of Broad and Washington a few years back. Two blocks north was a Dunkin Donuts that I used to frequent before/after/during work. Mmmm....donuts. Anyway, a woman used to bother the living shit out of all of us around the store. She was 'affectionally' called CrackHead Mary by the clerks and regulars at the coffee shop. At least, that's what they used to yell at her when they were screaming at the skinny, knappy haired woman to leave the premises. I'd pull up in my News Truck (for that is what I drive in) and she would just pop out of no-where, asking me for money, food, chicklets...you name. Bothered the living hell out of you until you either A.) Gave Her What She Wanted or B.) Ran the Fuck away. Seriously....the woman would NOT be there one moment and then BAM...appear out of no-where is uber-beg mode. It really sucked at times, belive you me.
So, one day I'm casing the joint, jonesing for some coffee and donut goodness. I didnt want to pull into the shop with my News Van and give away my position. Thats how bad it got to be with old Crack-Head Mary. So, with a young boyish intern in tow, we scouted the area and found no Mary. With a sigh of relief, we park next to the taxis and make our way in. Thinking we were safe in the truck afterwards after getting our goods, we chilled out waiting for the next news assignment. All of the sudden, I feel the hairs begin to stand at the back of my neck, as if the temp had dropped 20 degrees. I look up, and staring at me from across the 4 lane street that is Broad, I see this crazed looking skinny woman. Its Crack-Head Mary, in the flesh. As if on cue, she begins waving her hands in the air, screaming and shouting. I quickly command my intern to buckle the fuck up, freaking the kid out. We secure the food and beverages and start the car up. Crack-Head Mary SPRINTS across the road, dodging the fast moving and heavy traffic with her super Crack-Enduced powers, screaming all the while, "MR. NEWS MAN, MR. NEWS MAN!!!". Im desperatley trying to get the fuck out of Dodge as fast as I can. Just as I get the car into reverse beging to pull out, she rides up on us and begins screaming at the window, "MR NEWSMAN, I NEED TO TALKS WITH YOU!!! HOLD UP MR. NEWSMAN!!!!". My poor intern is freaking out, staring in disbelief as I'm pantomiming to Mary that I have to drive away now...big news for me to cover. All the wile, shes banging the fuck out of my window and doors with her Super-Human Crack Powers. We make it out allright, thank goodness...she gave up and went back across the street to harrass the fine folx at the White Castle Burger Joint. To this day, my intern freaks out whenever he goes to Dunkin Donuts....
Next Week Episode, our Drunken Encounter with Crack-Head Mary at the White Castle Burger Joint....
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
that story`s hilarious,guess i`ll have to check your journal on a regular basis!
great music taste too,by the way!