grimjack

I'm a fucking tool...but before we get to that, here's a brilliant song from Minnesota rockers Soul Asylum.

Misery:

They say misery loves company
We could start a company and make misery

Frustrated, Incorporated
Well I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to see

Put me out of my misery
I'd do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery

We could build a factory and make misery
We'll create the cure; we made the disease

Frustrated, Incorporated
Frustrated, Incorporated
Well I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to feel

Put me out of my misery
All you suicide kings and you drama queens
Forever after happily, making misery

Did you satisfy your greed, get what you need
Was it only envy, so empty

Frustrated, Incorporated
Frustrated, Incorporated

Frustrated, Incorporated (put me out of my misery)
Frustrated, Incorporated (I'd do it for you, would you do it for me)
Frustrated, Incorporated (forever after happily)
Frustrated, Incorporated (making misery)

But I digress. Im a FUCKING TOOL, no doubt about it. Im a goddamn idiot, Im full of shit, and I have issues. Right, so I've described even male under 40 this side of the Mississippi. Still, Im sick of my OWN shit. Its just so annoying.

I've been fooling myself with the whole 'woman' issue for the past 7 months. I like to feel all proud and stout in the fact that I havent felt the need to hook up since me and the missus ended our relationship. You know, the old 'finding yourself' bucket of moldy fish chum that we try to fool ourselves with after a nasty break up. Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not some sort of wannabe Cistaiene Monk, keeping himself celebate in order to bring about some higher order of consciousness. No, its nothing like that at all. Maybe even the opposite.

I completely believe that I have some sort of sub-conscious piece of idiocy in my mind that is forcefully keeping me from re-enterting the chlorine littered kiddie dating pool. Simply put, Im lost in this. I've had opportunities, or so it seems. Even tonight, I walked away from a potential hook-up....and I dont know why. Is it some sort of bent up guilt of moving on, after 5 years with the same woman? Perhaps its a taste of self-loathing mental instability that has infected my thinking processes? Why do I keep pushing myself away from women? At this point, Im just fucking lost...the tatooed woman of my dreams could come up to me with a crate of vinyl, a bottle of whiskey, and beat me with a 'I totally want you' baseball bat, and I wouldnt know what to do. Nice....goddamn nice.....