grimjack

I look at you and see
My life that might have been:
Your face just ghostly in the smoke.
They're setting fire to the cornfields
As you're taking me home.
The smell of burning fields
Will now mean you and here.

This is where I want to be.
This is what I need.
But I know that this will never be mine.
The thrill and the hurting.
I know that this will never be mine.

I want you as the dream,
Not the reality.
That clumsy goodbye-kiss could fool me,
But I'm looking back over my shoulder
At you, happy without me.

This is where I want to be.
This is what I need.
This is where I want to be,
But I know that this will never be mine.

The thrill and the hurting
Will never be mine.
The thrill and the hurting,
It will never be mine.
It can never be.
The thrill and the hurting
Will never be mine.


My life revolves around music. It lies at the core of my being, defining who I am and how I'm feeling at pretty much every waking moment. So, it shouldnt be a surprise when I start to objectify and even control my emotional state by throwing on a certain album or song, obsessively playing it over and over again in order to gain that 'desired' state of being. This week hasnt been the best one for me, so I've found myself floating towards emotion filled female vocalist/songwriters. Compleltely depressing? I've tried several times to get out of this 'funk' with some of my favorite loud/aggressive male minded music, but I keep floating back to Amos, Bush, Rosie Thomas, and the like. I even tried to throw a little Joy Division on to see if the depression would kick in. Nope, wasn't feeling it today.

I don't know...maybe its something that I just have to get out of my system. I'll just get through through the rest of the weekend and just 'think about things'. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something....maybe I just need to throw on an old Miles Davis LP and kick back with an Irish whiskey.