grfstrider

dreams and pain



I have been dreaming alot about Megan this week. But none of the dreams effected me more then last nights. At the end I asked her for one final time if we could work on being friend again. She got mad at me because in her veiw I just didn't understand why she wanted nothing more to do with me. I told her that I did understand but I had to ask for the sake of my sanity. When I told her that my heart broke and she heard the pain and suffering in my voice.
As I sit here this morning I have been thinking. Megan really doesn't know how much I have suffered and am in pain over losing her. She was the first girl I ever really truely loved. Hell I still love her with all my heart. I lost so much by my stupid actions and her refusal to talk and understand (this is from my point of view). This dream just really summed up how I feel still about it all. I still wonder if I didn't lose my mind when all this happened years ago. Maybe thats why I can;t let her go and it still hurts so much...........................