What a strange time. Broke up with the woman who I started dating the first of the year. It just got weird and too physical too quickly. I'm such an emotional connection kind of person that if it's physical right off the bat it's probably not going to work for me. I'm much more attracted to someone's brains than I am their body.
I miss going the the movies a lot. That was always my escape. My gateway out of my own head for a little while. Now I'm just cooped up in the house climbing the walls. Every time my phone buzzes with any kind of notification I almost well up with relief, even if it's just some stupid spam email. It makes me feel like I'm not fading out into nothing, not some ghost haunting my own reality.
Followed an SG's Only Fans. Feels a little weird. Like flirting with a waitress. You know there's no real connection and they're doing it for money. And while there isn't a damn thing wrong with that, it feels a lot like interacting with a piece of clay. A golem instead of a real person. Yes you have marvelous tits, but what do you think about? Can you pay a performer to have an emotional connection with you? I'm certainly not getting it from anywhere else in my life right now and that void feels vast and deep.
The brewery is progressing nicely. Maybe we'll get to open someday. I miss that as a creative outlet too.