er, alright, i suppose i may have been a tad melodramatic last i was here... 
i'm back to thinking crushes are sorta nice, i guess, sometimes...anyways it's fun to like people. i met a very nice girl last night at my sister's place, like, easy to talk with and unpretentious and made me feel like not a maladapted sociotard, despite there being sort of alot of people around. you know those people that you meet and kind of feel like you've known them a good while or something, but of course you haven't and so everything you find out about them is new and everything about you is new to them and so it's all interesting without the attendant preliminary discomfort that can sometimes inhibit such interactions. And yeah, she's really really cute, too!
So things still feel pretty weird not being in school anymore but i seem to be adjusting now. no shitty fate-to-exist-as-the-proverbially-disgruntled-yet-inevitably-underemployed-former-scholar-enslaved-to-massive-debt-consolidating job to speak of at the moment, but i am managing to pay the rent. i'm probably gonna get into this cool work placement type of program i was recommended to-it's specifically catered to folks who have had some kind of mental health issues in the past and thus have too much difficulty finding decent work on their own. you have a little job "team" (doesn't that make it sound fun!?) and counsillors and stuff who spend a bunch of time getting to know what kind of person you are, help you figure out what sort of things you are likely to be good at or enjoy doing, and then they like, hook you up with employers in those areas. It's fairly in-depth, and more likely to actually get me looking for something more than just what'll get me by.
i'm digging my long break though for now, playing music alot more than i have had the energy for for the past while and am getting used to reading for like, simple enjoyment again rather than because it has to be. i found this really cool copy of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain at a used book shoppe, which was cool 'cause i never've read any of Twain's stuff before and have wanted to for a long time. it reminds me alot of the kind of stuff i used to pretend about when i was a kid and all, like having to run away for some reason and being some little hobo kid trying to keep from being discoverd, having my own little boat or something and finding some island to go and live by my wits on, with a buddy maybe. Other than witches and animals, hobos were what i most liked to play around at being. We had this real long wooden sortof cupboard thing that wasn't attatched to anything when i was little, and i used to play that it was a train and i was this ramblin' wanderer type, on the run from like, the law or something, and i'd sit there with my legs dangling over the edges of the train car like i saw em' do in movies. eat bread by picking it apart like it was gonna be the last thing i'd eat for quite sometime. Or maybe to the mountains or something and find a hawk or wolf to hang out with like in that book, the one about the kid who runs away to the mountains and hangs out with a hawk and stuff.
well i should get off writing all this if i wanna have time to look at naked people and learn naughty things...
g'night all
i'm back to thinking crushes are sorta nice, i guess, sometimes...anyways it's fun to like people. i met a very nice girl last night at my sister's place, like, easy to talk with and unpretentious and made me feel like not a maladapted sociotard, despite there being sort of alot of people around. you know those people that you meet and kind of feel like you've known them a good while or something, but of course you haven't and so everything you find out about them is new and everything about you is new to them and so it's all interesting without the attendant preliminary discomfort that can sometimes inhibit such interactions. And yeah, she's really really cute, too!
So things still feel pretty weird not being in school anymore but i seem to be adjusting now. no shitty fate-to-exist-as-the-proverbially-disgruntled-yet-inevitably-underemployed-former-scholar-enslaved-to-massive-debt-consolidating job to speak of at the moment, but i am managing to pay the rent. i'm probably gonna get into this cool work placement type of program i was recommended to-it's specifically catered to folks who have had some kind of mental health issues in the past and thus have too much difficulty finding decent work on their own. you have a little job "team" (doesn't that make it sound fun!?) and counsillors and stuff who spend a bunch of time getting to know what kind of person you are, help you figure out what sort of things you are likely to be good at or enjoy doing, and then they like, hook you up with employers in those areas. It's fairly in-depth, and more likely to actually get me looking for something more than just what'll get me by.
i'm digging my long break though for now, playing music alot more than i have had the energy for for the past while and am getting used to reading for like, simple enjoyment again rather than because it has to be. i found this really cool copy of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain at a used book shoppe, which was cool 'cause i never've read any of Twain's stuff before and have wanted to for a long time. it reminds me alot of the kind of stuff i used to pretend about when i was a kid and all, like having to run away for some reason and being some little hobo kid trying to keep from being discoverd, having my own little boat or something and finding some island to go and live by my wits on, with a buddy maybe. Other than witches and animals, hobos were what i most liked to play around at being. We had this real long wooden sortof cupboard thing that wasn't attatched to anything when i was little, and i used to play that it was a train and i was this ramblin' wanderer type, on the run from like, the law or something, and i'd sit there with my legs dangling over the edges of the train car like i saw em' do in movies. eat bread by picking it apart like it was gonna be the last thing i'd eat for quite sometime. Or maybe to the mountains or something and find a hawk or wolf to hang out with like in that book, the one about the kid who runs away to the mountains and hangs out with a hawk and stuff.
well i should get off writing all this if i wanna have time to look at naked people and learn naughty things...
g'night all
What sort of music are you playing?