greenlemon15

The words seem to be trapped in my head lately, all I know is my life is going to change.

The day I turned 23 I knew things were going to be different. 22 was not a great year and I was glad to see it go. Now though I have a lot of choices to make and a lot of changes that I have no control over.

In the past year I have gone from an unhappy boy who does what he is told to someone who is starting to resemble a man who makes his own choices. I quit my hellish job that forced me to drive at least 3 hours a day, that was partial to blame for my car accident, and very much so to blame for my financial troubles. I took a vow of celibacy, that most people mocked me for. I stopped caring what others thought, to a point, and am working on do things that make ME happy. I have gotten back into collecting comics, I still have more movies than I should, I like music most people won't admit opening to liking and I'm fine with this.

So what else changed. Well I have been doing good in my retail job and it seems if things all fall into place things could go REALLY well soon. I am starting my own business with a couple of great friends and even though it is starting slow it looks promising. I am still working one hellish job but if my retail job changes that will help me to eliminate the hellish job. This may mean I need to quit one of my other jobs, yea I have 4 of them and I'm still broke - go figure, and I don't like the idea of that but maybe I need to change.

I am a hopeless romantic who gets stepped on way to much. I am in love with a girl who doesn't even know it. I keep trying to meet new people and may have found a real interesting one, lets see if she can deal with a 23 year old with a beard and is growing out his hair, yea in my area either one is rare let alone both.

These are all good things for the most part but I have had a rough time with deaths in the family, having to call 911 for my dad, and losing way too many friends in the coming months.

Right now my two best friends are both planning to move far away for their girlfriends and good for them but it sucks being the one they are leaving behind. Every time we talk I silently count down the amount of times I will be able to do this. I then try to navigate my way home while fighting off the tears and pain that comes with losing the best people I have ever known. *it seems my itunes wants me to listen to sad music only making this harder - damn genius thing* I don't know how to tell them that the moment they leave I will be totally lost. I am a person onto myself but I am only as strong as my friends and family and they all seem to be leaving. I know it is what is best for them and I am excited for that but it still hurts. I wish I could just pack up and leave but I have so much to do here that it seems I am trapped. I can't bail on my family, my friends, my jobs, but I need to get away. I want to just run away and not come home for a long time, but I can't.

This is a very random blog cause I can't think straight. It sucks fighting depression, dyslexia, and all the other social stigmas I realizes everyone else has but I really should shut up cause I have things much better than most. But shouldn't I get to feel upset and pain? I mean I'm the only 23 year old I know who baring serious accident and in constant pain and always injured.

I am sad.

I had to just write today, this sucked but I had to say something.

Comments?