i dont like being bitter.
and i dont like wanting something i cant have.
but thats me rite now.
i depise the fact that theres shit in my head that i cant seem to deal with,and cant get out of my head no matter what i seem to do.
I dont like pretending im okay.Because its hard, and i dont like being fake.But i cant submit to feeling the way i am, becoz ppl think im weird enough, and all its gna cause is hassle.
i hate having to be okay, for other ppls benifits.The one person i wanted to protect has left me in this state.
i fuckin dreamt about him last nite.*the prick*
This is like the 3rd in the last 7 days.
Him and his best mate-*whos actully lovely* had come to see me,at my house,even tho we were'nt talking.And me and loads of ppl i hadnt seen for ages, were chilling in my garden and he was hitting on my mate Chilli.Yeah okay shes pretty gorgeous,and completely his type of girl,but i woke up sick from that feeling..They were hiding under a duvet,and everyone knew what was goin on-and they were waiting for my reaction.
You know when a feeling so strong hits you-you get a ringing in your ears.Yeah that happened.
I remeber a specific part where there was loads of guys sat on a bench and i was putting this corset on and pulling the laces.there was some kind of relation between him and the corset gettin tighter.He watched me for while,then walked over and stood infront of me, held me..and i could breathe again.
weather you can block people out of your head conciously,theres no escaping your dreams.
man i hate this.
xx
-----------------------------------------
dya know something i cant work out.
how u can hate someone SO much-but would take them back-and dissolve that hatred in a second.
and i would.
and that very fact fucks me off so much.
i know fitter blokes.Ive pulled fitter blokes, but like when some1 gets under you skin so bad-its so hard to get rid of them.
despite how they feel about you.
despite how little it meant to them.
people are cruel.
xx
and i dont like wanting something i cant have.
but thats me rite now.
i depise the fact that theres shit in my head that i cant seem to deal with,and cant get out of my head no matter what i seem to do.
I dont like pretending im okay.Because its hard, and i dont like being fake.But i cant submit to feeling the way i am, becoz ppl think im weird enough, and all its gna cause is hassle.
i hate having to be okay, for other ppls benifits.The one person i wanted to protect has left me in this state.
i fuckin dreamt about him last nite.*the prick*
This is like the 3rd in the last 7 days.
Him and his best mate-*whos actully lovely* had come to see me,at my house,even tho we were'nt talking.And me and loads of ppl i hadnt seen for ages, were chilling in my garden and he was hitting on my mate Chilli.Yeah okay shes pretty gorgeous,and completely his type of girl,but i woke up sick from that feeling..They were hiding under a duvet,and everyone knew what was goin on-and they were waiting for my reaction.
You know when a feeling so strong hits you-you get a ringing in your ears.Yeah that happened.
I remeber a specific part where there was loads of guys sat on a bench and i was putting this corset on and pulling the laces.there was some kind of relation between him and the corset gettin tighter.He watched me for while,then walked over and stood infront of me, held me..and i could breathe again.
weather you can block people out of your head conciously,theres no escaping your dreams.
man i hate this.
xx
-----------------------------------------
dya know something i cant work out.
how u can hate someone SO much-but would take them back-and dissolve that hatred in a second.
and i would.
and that very fact fucks me off so much.
i know fitter blokes.Ive pulled fitter blokes, but like when some1 gets under you skin so bad-its so hard to get rid of them.
despite how they feel about you.
despite how little it meant to them.
people are cruel.
xxVIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
Feelign a little ropey after last nights cider session at a mates suprise birthday party!
Anyway my address is garyvinall@hotmail.com so add me to messenger and i'll tell you more about my lucid dreams. You can teach me some wank Phsychology if you want haha....