Going to the gym seems to be the only thing that's been keeping me from cracking and I had actually stopped going a couple weeks before my birthday. This is truly a sickness and I am so sorry for doing this to her but its the only way I could find to help better myself. Finally I am going this Saturday to a therapist to try and help me stop thinking about her and also to stop being a whiney person and learn how to develop some social skills that will help me find my 'clique' and actually make some meaningful friends that actually care about me. If I can get over that, then I believe I will accomplish what I want to get out of this life. She doesn't hate me but refuses to let me in her life and its so incredibly unbelievable to me that I would put myself in a situation to have that affect me because I am so much of a better person than she is. She is definitely a beautiful person on the outside and inside but she's way to immature to realize it and because I am a man, she knows she can get me anyway she wants to. She can't get any woman she wants to though and thats where I find this sick and twisted sense of revenge when I think about her. Obsessive and attached is what I made myself towards her and she didn't stop me and I hate her for that. Nevertheless, I am wrong in all of this and I will make me right in the end, whenever the end decides to show its face. If I can lose 8 more pounds I will be below 230 and that will be a huge mindfuck asset because I will know that the 219's are just a few visits away Wish me luck I'm almost there! 
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I really appreciate it
Because of my poor health I have really let myself go. But I have too lately been trying to work out to regain some of the strength and stamina I once had. It's hard work, I know. Keep it up my friend.
I wish you the best in everything. I hope these times pass soon for you. I will probably be gone for the next month or two before I return if I return, but mostly I just wanted to say "hi." Take care of yourself, ya hear?