I dont't know how to even begin Where. I just know that I'm feeling lost and somehow tired of everything. I've tried so many times, so many things, to overcome my fears, pains, my rage. I think that what I'm feeling right now is somekind of a depression, or a crisis, I don't know. I am homesick, I'm feeling the weight of the wholew world in my shoulders, in a fucked up Atlas Complex (even wrote a song about it). Tried palying my drums, drawing, but I' not myself since a long time.
Tears came and have gone. Saw many of the things I believed in, cared with, tried to fix or carry get broken.None of the things I like to do give me pleasure or relieve. I'm been living as an automaton, and affraid of what will become of this.
I just wanted things to be different, or good, but it seems that I'm tied to some kind of gruesome fate in which I cannot win anything, any inch or have a break for more than seconds. As said by Jinjer, years of tension, moments of slack, which in my case never appear to come.
I don't know, maybe is time to just let time do it's job. Let things flow and slowly detach myself form this world. I don't care anymore, and even having a good reason to care and try to fight, that same reason is been taking away with selfishness and guilty play.
That's it, I don't have anyone to count one, or to open myself to, so I write. Don't know if it's goingo to work, but at least I'm trying, even not believing.
Sorry for the darkness and pressure in this words, I will not hold myself for the PC or good vibes anymore...