And now... for your entertainment... Grayness presents...
Time Travel Revenge Theatre !!!!!
Scene: Exterior, light woods, daytime. Enter your fearless narrator, Grayness, stage left.
Grayness[facing auidience]: Have you ever had a saying get under your skin? You know, something that sounds deep and wise the first time you hear it, but then, after a while, wears on you? And then grates on you? And finally MAKES YOU WANT TO BEAT SOMEONE'S EFFIN HEAD... *cough* *ahem*
I'm sure you have. [nervous laugh] All reasonable people have felt that exact same feeling at one time or another, and if you have not, please remain silent or I shall be forced to drop an anvil upon you.
Today, I shall deal with that odious saying "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Such a saying could only have one possible source: William Shakespeare. So today, using patented *cough*not really*cough* transmogrification technology, we shall take a quick trip to the time of Mr. Shakespeare, and take up the matter with him directly.
[Steps into large cardboard box, on which "Transmogrifier" has been written, and crossed out, with the words "WayBack Machine" written in below. TARDIS-y type sounds, only a bit more wheezy and faltering are heard, and the box fades from view, fading in in front of a small thatch cottage, in what would appear to be rural Elizabethan England, with one William Shakespeare staring incredulously as the box materializes. Grayness steps out of the box.]
Grayness: You, Sir! Francis Bacon!
Shakespeare: Indeed, good sir, I am not; I am William Shakespeare.
Grayness: Well, now that that's settled, I want to talk with you about that horrible saying of yours, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". This saying is truly an abomination and...
Shakespeare: Sirrah, indeed, such words were never penned by me!
Grayness: You just mean, not yet, I am sure! [Aside: Damn, too early! Hmmm.] Say, have you ever considered going to London and writing plays and sonnets and thingies?
Shakespeare: Indeed, sir, all save perhaps the last!
Grayness: Very good then! Here's the deed to a nice little theatre in London, The Mercator... or something like that. Now, go, get yourself to it and start writing! Time is indeed a-wasting!
[Grayness hands deed, with a flourish. Shakespeare takes, examines, doubtfully at first, but with growing joy as he realizes his good fortune]
Shakespeare: Thank you, sir! This is most generous! I will away at once!
[Grayness cooly watches Sheakespeare run down the road, leap and click his heels, shout "Woo Hoo-est", and run off towards London. He nods once, and steps back into the box, and more TARDIS-y type sounds ensue as again the box fades out, materializing outside a pleasant Elizabethan London city dwelling. Well, as pleasant as any place where people threw garbage and sewage out the window can be. A somewhat older Shakespeare is just walking out his door... ]
Grayness: You there, de Vere!
Shakespeare: Sir, I recognize you as my benefactor, but you seem not to recognize me! I am indeed, William Shakespeare!
Grayness: Oh, very good, glad to get that straight. Now, about that "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" monstrosity-
Shakespeare: Out of respect for you and your generosity, I have avoided placing such words anywhere within my body of works, and...
Grayness: Somehow I doubt that. Why, right here in this dictionary of quotations that I shall now consult...
[Quietly] Uh oh. Tennyson ?!
Shakespeare: Pray, good sir, I hear the Queen has a new court established at Wimbleton, of which you may wish to avail...
Grayness: Well, Will, just remember, it's better to have had a theatre and lost than...
Shakespeare: Of what, sir, do you speak?
Grayness: That theatre- the Atlas place-
Shakespeare: My Globe ?!?!!?!
Grayness: Well, I'm afraid [very quietly] I burnt it down. I just wanted to show how silly that saying was, and it seemed like [nervous laugh] truly poetic justice at the time, so I well, just. [progressively quieter] Burnt. It. Down.
Shakespeare [makes inarticulate growling noises, glares, slowly raises his hands in the general direction of Grayness' throat, and steps deliberately in Grayness' direction]
Grayness [turning towards the the box/WayBack Machine]: Next time, we deal with that idiot Wordsworth, and the "early to bed" nonsense! Now, good night to you all!
[Bolts for box with a "woob woob woob" ala the Three Stooges, as Shakespeare charges]
Time Travel Revenge Theatre !!!!!
Scene: Exterior, light woods, daytime. Enter your fearless narrator, Grayness, stage left.
Grayness[facing auidience]: Have you ever had a saying get under your skin? You know, something that sounds deep and wise the first time you hear it, but then, after a while, wears on you? And then grates on you? And finally MAKES YOU WANT TO BEAT SOMEONE'S EFFIN HEAD... *cough* *ahem*
I'm sure you have. [nervous laugh] All reasonable people have felt that exact same feeling at one time or another, and if you have not, please remain silent or I shall be forced to drop an anvil upon you.
Today, I shall deal with that odious saying "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Such a saying could only have one possible source: William Shakespeare. So today, using patented *cough*not really*cough* transmogrification technology, we shall take a quick trip to the time of Mr. Shakespeare, and take up the matter with him directly.
[Steps into large cardboard box, on which "Transmogrifier" has been written, and crossed out, with the words "WayBack Machine" written in below. TARDIS-y type sounds, only a bit more wheezy and faltering are heard, and the box fades from view, fading in in front of a small thatch cottage, in what would appear to be rural Elizabethan England, with one William Shakespeare staring incredulously as the box materializes. Grayness steps out of the box.]
Grayness: You, Sir! Francis Bacon!
Shakespeare: Indeed, good sir, I am not; I am William Shakespeare.
Grayness: Well, now that that's settled, I want to talk with you about that horrible saying of yours, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". This saying is truly an abomination and...
Shakespeare: Sirrah, indeed, such words were never penned by me!
Grayness: You just mean, not yet, I am sure! [Aside: Damn, too early! Hmmm.] Say, have you ever considered going to London and writing plays and sonnets and thingies?
Shakespeare: Indeed, sir, all save perhaps the last!
Grayness: Very good then! Here's the deed to a nice little theatre in London, The Mercator... or something like that. Now, go, get yourself to it and start writing! Time is indeed a-wasting!
[Grayness hands deed, with a flourish. Shakespeare takes, examines, doubtfully at first, but with growing joy as he realizes his good fortune]
Shakespeare: Thank you, sir! This is most generous! I will away at once!
[Grayness cooly watches Sheakespeare run down the road, leap and click his heels, shout "Woo Hoo-est", and run off towards London. He nods once, and steps back into the box, and more TARDIS-y type sounds ensue as again the box fades out, materializing outside a pleasant Elizabethan London city dwelling. Well, as pleasant as any place where people threw garbage and sewage out the window can be. A somewhat older Shakespeare is just walking out his door... ]
Grayness: You there, de Vere!
Shakespeare: Sir, I recognize you as my benefactor, but you seem not to recognize me! I am indeed, William Shakespeare!
Grayness: Oh, very good, glad to get that straight. Now, about that "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" monstrosity-
Shakespeare: Out of respect for you and your generosity, I have avoided placing such words anywhere within my body of works, and...
Grayness: Somehow I doubt that. Why, right here in this dictionary of quotations that I shall now consult...
[Quietly] Uh oh. Tennyson ?!
Shakespeare: Pray, good sir, I hear the Queen has a new court established at Wimbleton, of which you may wish to avail...
Grayness: Well, Will, just remember, it's better to have had a theatre and lost than...
Shakespeare: Of what, sir, do you speak?
Grayness: That theatre- the Atlas place-
Shakespeare: My Globe ?!?!!?!
Grayness: Well, I'm afraid [very quietly] I burnt it down. I just wanted to show how silly that saying was, and it seemed like [nervous laugh] truly poetic justice at the time, so I well, just. [progressively quieter] Burnt. It. Down.
Shakespeare [makes inarticulate growling noises, glares, slowly raises his hands in the general direction of Grayness' throat, and steps deliberately in Grayness' direction]
Grayness [turning towards the the box/WayBack Machine]: Next time, we deal with that idiot Wordsworth, and the "early to bed" nonsense! Now, good night to you all!
[Bolts for box with a "woob woob woob" ala the Three Stooges, as Shakespeare charges]
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
bratpanties:
Thank you, Gray. Merry Christmas to you, too. 
sammarie:
brilliant by the way. sorry i didn't comment on this earlier. my head... has been elsewhere lately.