graycen

DANGER-BOY meets SUPERFOX

on my way home from work this morning "danger-boy" called and left me a voice message. i wasn't surprised since it has been 4 months since i last saw him. i figured we were due. we exchanged "happy new year's" and spoke on the phone for a little while. he wanted me to stop by his apartment, so i did. this is a little cycle that occurs every 4-5 months with us ( or when one of us "needs" the other.) in my mind, i already knew how things would go this time around. i'm sure he was expecting things to be exactly like they were in the past. *deep breath* so...i ended up having to tell him why i couldn't "hook up" with him like i use to. i told him that i was in a place where emotionally and physically i couldn't be with anyone (for who knows how long!) because i am still entangled in feelings for my exbf. i told him that "hooking-up" for the sake of trying to erase how i currently felt wasn't what i wanted. it would only make things worse. i didn't want to "have sex" or "fuck", no matter how good it might feel, because once- upon- a -time in the not- so- distant- past i was "making love" and THAT connection between 2 people cannot be bottled, replaced or duplicated. it is unique and special and so much more than "fucking" will ever be. *sigh* so, it was a difficult morning. i really wish i didn't have to explain the wholegoddamnstory! i experienced the pain & turmoil once. i don't need to re-live it again! man! the telling hurt like hell. i guess i caught him off guard by bawling like a baby. overall he was kind, supportive, understanding....and STILL wanted to get in my pants! *sigh* i will never understand men...

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leavin' on a jetplane!

yep. i have an early morning flight. i'm headed to toronto for a long weekend get-a-way.

don't miss me too much!

wuv,wuv,
gray

p.s. i recently updated my pictures. a photo of my most recent tattoo is in there! check it out!