This is day 3 of NC & This journal entry is titled:
"Superfox goes to a party!"
The party last night was crazy! It felt good to get out and feel human again, but when did "feeling human" include having a guy come up and stick their hand up the back of my sweater, rubbing down my back then plunging his hand down the back of my pants to feel my bare ass? *shakes head in disgust* yeah....I felt the tide of the party swiftly turning south.( *Oh MY! Wipes tears from eyes! God! I swear that wasn't an intentional pun!*) Good thing I switched to Sierra Mist and left as quickly as I could. ( I heard that 1 guy was thrown across the room and another nearly had his neck snapped off after I left!)
At some point I realized that I could use the party as a way to be self-destructive (random meaningless sex, drugs, getting toxic on alcohol) and slide into oblivion, but I didn't. I choose not to. It would look like the easy way out, but ultimately I would feel like shit in the end.
( I am most proud of myself because a few years ago I would (and probably did) exactly that!)
On my way home, around 2 am. I found myself driving down familiar roads, passing stores and places we use to frequent & the gas station I use to fill up at. It hurt like fucking hell. Usually the night is my friend, but not last night.
I called my friend Shane on the way home ( good thing he is a night owl too!) and we talked nearly the whole ride home. He knew it was important that I didn't backslide. I'm so glad for that because I would have. I need to preserve my dignity after all....
"Superfox goes to a party!"
The party last night was crazy! It felt good to get out and feel human again, but when did "feeling human" include having a guy come up and stick their hand up the back of my sweater, rubbing down my back then plunging his hand down the back of my pants to feel my bare ass? *shakes head in disgust* yeah....I felt the tide of the party swiftly turning south.( *Oh MY! Wipes tears from eyes! God! I swear that wasn't an intentional pun!*) Good thing I switched to Sierra Mist and left as quickly as I could. ( I heard that 1 guy was thrown across the room and another nearly had his neck snapped off after I left!)
At some point I realized that I could use the party as a way to be self-destructive (random meaningless sex, drugs, getting toxic on alcohol) and slide into oblivion, but I didn't. I choose not to. It would look like the easy way out, but ultimately I would feel like shit in the end.
( I am most proud of myself because a few years ago I would (and probably did) exactly that!)
On my way home, around 2 am. I found myself driving down familiar roads, passing stores and places we use to frequent & the gas station I use to fill up at. It hurt like fucking hell. Usually the night is my friend, but not last night.
I called my friend Shane on the way home ( good thing he is a night owl too!) and we talked nearly the whole ride home. He knew it was important that I didn't backslide. I'm so glad for that because I would have. I need to preserve my dignity after all....
edit: ps. you need some pictures up...they all disappeared!!!
[Edited on Dec 19, 2005 4:55PM]