graycen

The TRUTH according to Graycen:

sings: *Rain, Rain! Come and stay! At least for another day...*

When I left work this morning I couldn't help but stop and tip my face up to meet the onslaught of raindrops. I let myself get pretty wet before I popped into my car. Nothin' like a good rain for the cleansing of the soul.

During the night I was bored out of my skull which gave me plenty of time to think, think, and think some more. I caught my tears before they made their way down my face a few times only to laugh for crying like an idiot.

One of the things that dawned on me as I grappled with "the blame game" is that there is no real truth. I have my ideas of what caused our breakup...some I know as fact...some I think might be true.... some is hindsight...some is just stuff I conjured up to suit my own immediate needs (injured soul) I am positive that he is doing the same thing. I know he blames me for what happened. (I partly blame myself too.) I am sure he has twisted the truth to suit his own agenda as well. So I figure if you take some of his truth and then some of my truth (((( shake & stir))))) you will come up with something that resembles the truth. 100% accurate? No. 80% accurate? still pushing it. THERE is no REAL truth. Only "The truth according to (insert name here)"

Yeah. That was my big brainstorm of the night.

So...I left work this morning feeling cleansed...and....angry!
Yippee! Now THERE's a new feeling altogether!!! So I got in my car and slid in Alkaline Trio.

I listened to Radio:
Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades,
waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
I'm planning out my revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge
I'm seeing red

I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall.....

and I listened to Hell Yes:

You've been there for me one time in my life
But it didn't matter
You came and went so fast all my hope
And faith in you shattered
And now here I sit alone in this room
No one to confide in
You watched all my dreams come apart at the seams
You laughed, you left, you waited in hiding

Bless me dark father I have sinned
I've done it before and I'll do it again
Cuz it keeps me warm, and makes you smile
Been beneath me all the while
Hell yes

You gave up on me along time ago
I can't say I blame you
I rejected the faith in your holy rays
Is what it comes down to
They said everything would work out just fine
I just went crazy
But I'm better now having a good time
Being selfish, and drunken, and vulgar, and lazy

Bless me dark father I have sinned
I've done it before and I'll do it again
Cuz it keeps me warm, and makes you smile
Been beneath me all the while....

Over and over and over I played them! At first when I started singing I started to cry. I furiously wiped the tears away and proceeded to SCREAM the lyrics with everything I had. ( Not an easy task when whizzing up 95 North in the pouring rain...dodging traffic....yup...with a cold!)

I'm rather hoarse now.
I don't care.
Pissed off is better then pissed on!
This is today.
Can't wait to see what tomorrow has to dish out.


I still love.


P.S. I appreciate all the comments, concern and hugs. I know I'm being too self absorbed right now to comment back. I will. Soon. Hopefully.