grayblue

awoken today by a mini phone interview for the receptionist job at the marketing firm. seemed to go well, waiting for them to call me back for the second interview... that'd be a good job. lot's of work, but office work for me is like breathing, it's easy, and doesn't require much of me, and i can do other things while doing it... we'll see....
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bored...
applied for more jobs today. i want out of the telemarketing biz a.s.a.p. you know, it bugs the hell out of me when people say "asap" instead of a.s.a.p. it's an abbreviation, not a word people.

but yeah, applied for a receptionist job, and a carpentry job.
i hope i get the carpentry job, funny story actually, i called the number in the paper...
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I have seen the face of god. In the purest love that I once had, I looked into gods eyes, and felt joy. But that joy gave way to a blind turmoil which ravaged my soul, and destroyed that which meant so much. I look back now and wonder if rationalization was the true culprit. If reasoning out expectations razed my heart, taking with it...
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i told a very, very elaborate lie today, so that i wouldn't have to go into work thursday through saturday.
i've found that it's much easier to tell a very elaborate lie convincingly when it's done face to face.
hey, believe me, if you were a telemarketer, you'd lie to 'em too.

"until morale improves, the beatings will continue"
by Murder By Death

i walked the road from tuscon to san antone,
the smell of blood on my brain
ninety days of sweat and dirt feels like one night when you've got nothin' left.

there's nothin' left to do
but die.

buckshot is my brand, i'll drink whiskey instead of water,
cuz i can't stand to be...
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applying for jobs online like a madman... oddly, they're all in LA or NY.

didn't get the office job. fuckers.
i'm feeling very old... and on the verge of a breakdown. just so much shit.


and explain this to me - i'm watching Casino on u.s.a., right?
here's my question - they can say "kike" and "nigger" but not "jesus christ" "fuck" or "faggot".... how exactly does their censoring policy work?!?!?

why
Why
WHY?!?!!?!?!?!
ar eall of the women in my life insane?
now, i don't just mean the typical run-of-the-mill female stuff, i mean FUCKING CERTIFIABLE depressed, suicidal, manic/depressive, bipolar, paranoid/schizophrenic.
between the ex girlfriends and my sis (who's currently in the hospital, gee, guess why) and all the others...
what is it about me? i don't get it! i'd like to just once, have...
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had a job interview today for a position i like to call "office bitch". but i've played office bitch before, and i'm good at it... and it ain't telemarketing, so i hope i get it. i think i may have a shot... i was interviewed by a bunch of middle-aged women... and for some reason, middle-aged women always find me attractive, hey, i ain't too...
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now accepting donations to the "move gray's ass to LA fund"
send me an email for mailing information and details on how you - yes you! can recieve an executive producer's credit on my first major motion picture.
hey - a guy can dream, can't he?