grayblue

xmas has come and gone. thank the lord.... hahah, i'm not even christian. i celebrate the holiday with romantic hopes that my family will join together happily for once, and not gang up on me and sepnd the day depleating the esteem i've spent the prior year rebuilding. but alas... you can't go home again.
so anyway, got some decent stuff, and some shitty stuff. every family member got more dvd's than me. I'M THE FUCKING FILM MAJOR! WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED PAJAMA PANTS FOR?! ummm.. yeah. i'm bitter and greedy. can't help it. did get a nice bottle o' merlot though. now i just need someone cute, female, and receptive to sit down and drink it with. any takers?
on the plus side - the five dollar dvd bin at walmart. dude, pee-wee's big adventure, true stories (david byrne's movie), two days in the valley, and cleopatra jones (thank you blaxploitation!) all for five bucks apiece, can't beat that shit.
so christmas eve, the drive up was horrible. i hit the road just as the major storm was hitting. a normally one hour drive turned into two. got to the house, and immediately started drinking. everyone else was already four drinks ahead of me... a lot of SoCo (which i had never had before and now hate) a bunch of champagne (four bottles taken down between the four of us) and chocolate martinis for dessert... and i did something that will certainly send me to hell...
i smoked... first time in about eleven months, since i gave it up (not cigarettes). with my future stepsisters... that's nto what's bad though. what's bad is that we smoked in a church parking lot that was filling up for the xmaseve service... damn. i'm going to hell. i was just in such a shitty mood, i didn't care. i wanted to feel semi-decent for a while. so yeah. don't hate me. christmas day was spent driving further north to mom & bob's... we'll just say i ended up crying like a three year old for about an hour. yeah. i don't like the holidays, but i'll keep participating with hope that my family will back the fuck off, and try to act like i'm not the black sheep.

p.s.
thanks to all for the xmas thoughts. much apprciated, they helped me feel better after the crying fit.

p.p.s.
if you commented on the xmas shit, i added you as a friend. cool? cool.

p.p.p.s.
the roomie's comin' home with a shotgun. HOTDAMN! *deep southern accent* We's gonna go shoot some shit!