The roof has been leaking for fuckingever and then the hurricane came and blew tiles off the roof, making the leak worse. Finally, he says hes going to stop band-aid patching it and do it right....until the repair guys give him a quote. So we're back to a band-aid patch until it wears down and starts leaking again.
Worse yet, he calls me last thursday, says hes coming by WITH the roofing guys so he can finally fix the shower. That went bad a month ago...you cant SHUT THE FUCKING HOT WATER OFF. The knob just turns and turns and turns and the water keeps flowing out unabated. So for a month now, while waiting for this fucker to fix it, I've had to get up in the morning, go into the cellar in my boxers, turn the hot water on....come back upstairs, take a shower...then go back down and turn the hot water off again when I was done.
It was a pain in the ass. It was ghetto as all hell. But it was workable.
So, I take the day off work so this fucker can come by friday, to fix the shower and wait for the roofing guys (who never came...they didnt show until SUNDAY..whatthefuckever). He takes apart the entire plumbing for the shower, then realizes..."Oh fuck...I'm not a plumber." And leaves. Now I cant shower at ALL. I cant even turn the water on.
All weekend long, if I want to bathe, my choices are:
- Don't bathe. Marinate in your own juices and learn to love the muskie smell of all that is YOU
- Carry bucketful after bucketful of hot water from the kitchen to the tub until there is a level of water sufficient to wash the ass of a fully grown man
I chose number 2.
Last night, Fuckwad McFuckerpants calls and says a plumber will be by today. So I call my boss, beg his forgiveness, and ask to work from home today. My boss concedes.
At 9:30 the plumber shows, looks the job over and says, "Ok. I know what needs to be done. I'll call Mr McFuckerpants and give him a quote and go pick up the parts I need." We shake hands, as befits gentlemen, and he leaves.
An hour later he calls and says, "Sorry, kind sir, Herr McFuckerpants is not amenable to the amount of shillings such a repair shall require, thusly and therefore I am unable to return forthwith and provide you with the warm ass-cleansing liquids that spew forth from the shower head." or, in blue collar south jersey-ese "Sorry dude, your landlords a cheap fucker and wont fix it right."
So. The bucket brigade continues if I wish to be clean.
Now....
I am SO not making this shit up.
He just texted me and said he will be by tomorrow with yet ANOTHER plumber to fix it.
And now hes mad because I said....amd this is pretty much a quote, "No fucking way. I've already lost two days at work in a row because of your cheap ass. And I'm not having you and some stranger trapsing through my house when I am not home. You either come when I get off work, or this weekend. But its fixed by Sunday or I call the county and report how you are a slumlord. Let me know what works for you. Gotta go. Football is on."
Fucker.
