've spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself these past few months, and today, I realized, quite suddenly, that I no longer did. Those feelings were just.gone.
I spent so much time being down and depressed that it became old hat, it was like putting my shoes on in the morning, it was just there, just necessary, justnormal. I got so used to it that even I didn't pay attention to it anymore.
And just as suddenly it was gone. I don't know when it left, although I can hazard a guessbut then that's not why I'm writing today is it?
Notoday I'm writing because I came upon a further realization.
Sure, she left me. Sure, she took HIM back.
But in the end, who has it worse? Really, who? Sure, he's got herand I've gotnothing. He's got that beautiful woman and I'm alone. But is it all just borrowed time?
Seeshe either loved me, and took him back to please her mother (one of the reasons she gave me), in which case, he has to wonder how long she'll keep HIM around. Borrowed time. Because the day is going to come where she will once again decide that her own happiness outweighs pleasing her mother.and that's why she wouldn't take him back the first time. Then what?
Ormaybe she loved me once, and due to my imperfections decided I wasn't worth keeping (one of the OTHER reasons she gave me). But, then, he's not perfect either, is he? I mean, she spent years telling me, my friends, her friends, her co-workers, and anyone else who would listen, the laundry list of his faults. Lets be honest, I'm not perfect. He's not perfect. And if you stood us side-by-side, you'd see we both have chinks and dents in our armor, maybe not in the same places, but definitely to the same extent. Borrowed time.
Then again, maybe she never loved me. Maybe she said those words just to say them, just to keep me happy, just because she felt that they needed to be said. Maybe the words meant nothing. So how does he know the words have any meaning now? How does he know she really cares about him? Because, I can guarantee you, the love and security he feels in her arms right now? I felt the same way just a short time ago. Was it real with me? Is it real with him? How in fuck is anyone to know? Borrowed time.
So I no longer pity me. I'm not sad. I'm not depressed.
But then, I don't pity him either. I say, enjoy it while it lasts, because she's a beautiful creature to have love you.
Sure, I feel lonelybut at least I know my loneliness will pass. I don't expect it to last forever. Can he say the same about the love? Or is it just borrowed time?
I spent so much time being down and depressed that it became old hat, it was like putting my shoes on in the morning, it was just there, just necessary, justnormal. I got so used to it that even I didn't pay attention to it anymore.
And just as suddenly it was gone. I don't know when it left, although I can hazard a guessbut then that's not why I'm writing today is it?
Notoday I'm writing because I came upon a further realization.
Sure, she left me. Sure, she took HIM back.
But in the end, who has it worse? Really, who? Sure, he's got herand I've gotnothing. He's got that beautiful woman and I'm alone. But is it all just borrowed time?
Seeshe either loved me, and took him back to please her mother (one of the reasons she gave me), in which case, he has to wonder how long she'll keep HIM around. Borrowed time. Because the day is going to come where she will once again decide that her own happiness outweighs pleasing her mother.and that's why she wouldn't take him back the first time. Then what?
Ormaybe she loved me once, and due to my imperfections decided I wasn't worth keeping (one of the OTHER reasons she gave me). But, then, he's not perfect either, is he? I mean, she spent years telling me, my friends, her friends, her co-workers, and anyone else who would listen, the laundry list of his faults. Lets be honest, I'm not perfect. He's not perfect. And if you stood us side-by-side, you'd see we both have chinks and dents in our armor, maybe not in the same places, but definitely to the same extent. Borrowed time.
Then again, maybe she never loved me. Maybe she said those words just to say them, just to keep me happy, just because she felt that they needed to be said. Maybe the words meant nothing. So how does he know the words have any meaning now? How does he know she really cares about him? Because, I can guarantee you, the love and security he feels in her arms right now? I felt the same way just a short time ago. Was it real with me? Is it real with him? How in fuck is anyone to know? Borrowed time.
So I no longer pity me. I'm not sad. I'm not depressed.
But then, I don't pity him either. I say, enjoy it while it lasts, because she's a beautiful creature to have love you.
Sure, I feel lonelybut at least I know my loneliness will pass. I don't expect it to last forever. Can he say the same about the love? Or is it just borrowed time?