Snappy answers for stupid questions....
Back in the late 70's early 80's MAD magazine used to put out these little paperback editions of their magazines called "Snappy Answers for Stupid Questions", and contained therein would be little cartoons of obviousness that contained a stupid question and a selection of funny answers. For example, a guy would be out on the road, walking his dog and someone would come up to him and say, "Walking your dog, huh?"...to which the dog walker would have a selection answers, which you could choose from, to decide which you liked. Such as, "No, the dog is actually walking me...I'm not housebroken yet." or "Hey....did you just call my girlfriend a dog?", etc.
I loved these books as a kid.
They fed my sarcastic attitude like manna from heaven.
They also fucking ruined me for life.
I am now such a smart ass that it is uncontrollable.
Nowadays, when someone says something stupid, almost without hesitation, I give back an equally stupid answer. Sadly, the brunt of this falls mostly on my ex-wife. She has a habit of asking the obvious. I dont know why....shes not an unintelligent person, she just asks bad questions.
Last weekend for example....
Her: "So what are you guys doing?"
ME: "We're waiting for Sidney to call so we can go pick her up."
Her: "Oh, shes not there yet?"
ME: "No, shes here....we just enjoyed the trip so much, we wanted to re-enact it."
Or
ME: "We're going to watch some cartoon he's been waiting for on Nickelodeon tonight...."
Her: "Ok...but maybe you should watch it first, just in case there is profanity or nudity in it."
ME: "Oh yeah...because Nickelodeon is really known for their animated soft-porn....Spongebob Cumpants had me creaming my jeans last week..."
Her heart is in the right place I'm sure. She just says really stupid shit sometimes. And I cant turn off the dickwad chip in my brain that makes me respond to it.
Why do I bring this up? Well, it seems, much to my chagrin, to be rubbing off on my son.
He's doing it to her now too.
Him: (shoes in hand) "Can I go outside?"
Her: "Yeah, but make sure you put your shoes on..."
Him: "Duh....I AM carrying them. Did you think I thought they were gloves?"
So now I have to curtail my own reactions, in the hopes of leading by example.
I cant have him disrespecting his mother that way, despite what my opinion of her may be.
He is damn funny though.
[
Back in the late 70's early 80's MAD magazine used to put out these little paperback editions of their magazines called "Snappy Answers for Stupid Questions", and contained therein would be little cartoons of obviousness that contained a stupid question and a selection of funny answers. For example, a guy would be out on the road, walking his dog and someone would come up to him and say, "Walking your dog, huh?"...to which the dog walker would have a selection answers, which you could choose from, to decide which you liked. Such as, "No, the dog is actually walking me...I'm not housebroken yet." or "Hey....did you just call my girlfriend a dog?", etc.
I loved these books as a kid.
They fed my sarcastic attitude like manna from heaven.
They also fucking ruined me for life.
I am now such a smart ass that it is uncontrollable.
Nowadays, when someone says something stupid, almost without hesitation, I give back an equally stupid answer. Sadly, the brunt of this falls mostly on my ex-wife. She has a habit of asking the obvious. I dont know why....shes not an unintelligent person, she just asks bad questions.
Last weekend for example....
Her: "So what are you guys doing?"
ME: "We're waiting for Sidney to call so we can go pick her up."
Her: "Oh, shes not there yet?"
ME: "No, shes here....we just enjoyed the trip so much, we wanted to re-enact it."
Or
ME: "We're going to watch some cartoon he's been waiting for on Nickelodeon tonight...."
Her: "Ok...but maybe you should watch it first, just in case there is profanity or nudity in it."
ME: "Oh yeah...because Nickelodeon is really known for their animated soft-porn....Spongebob Cumpants had me creaming my jeans last week..."
Her heart is in the right place I'm sure. She just says really stupid shit sometimes. And I cant turn off the dickwad chip in my brain that makes me respond to it.
Why do I bring this up? Well, it seems, much to my chagrin, to be rubbing off on my son.
He's doing it to her now too.
Him: (shoes in hand) "Can I go outside?"
Her: "Yeah, but make sure you put your shoes on..."
Him: "Duh....I AM carrying them. Did you think I thought they were gloves?"
So now I have to curtail my own reactions, in the hopes of leading by example.
I cant have him disrespecting his mother that way, despite what my opinion of her may be.
He is damn funny though.
[
oh and i read the previous post too and it was hilarious; you said exactly the right things to that bitch at the movie theater.