graven

I have a confession to make.

Since I was a teenager, I thought I was lucky enough to find the easy way out of any situation. If I waited long enough, a solution would appear and solve my problems. No matter how hard my life would become, there would be something or someone there to rescue me and take me in.

And this time, I've been waiting longer than ever. Nothing is happening.

It's hard, when one becomes so used to just letting fate decide their actions, to suddenly become pro-active and move on their own. You become lazy and complacent. You don't want to change because you don't have the energy and frankly, you're not sure if the direction you want to take is the right one.

I told someone, once, to stop worrying and start taking risks. That person took my advice and it was for the better. Myself, I'm not sure whether I took risks and failed or just failed to take risks.

I don't give excuses for my actions; I just explain them.

This journal isn't a cry for help. I'm just talking to myself.