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graven

neverland, MN

Member Since 2003

Followers 7 Following 28

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Saturday May 08, 2004

May 8, 2004
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*I'm just going to say a few things about myself, since none of you really know me.

I'm Ryan, a twenty-five year old who lives in the south-west section of Minnesota, which is mostly ugly, flat farm country. This area doesn't breed artists and instead, breeds ignorance and fear.

Everyone is afraid of everyone else and has turned this entire area into a paranoid desert. Every time a Hispanic person moves into a home down the street, a group of neighbors gets together and plans a neighborhood watch just over that house. People are moving out of their homes and towns because they're scared to walk down the street at night, knowing there are "colored" people in town.

This is where I grew up. The only important things in life are money, God, and south-west Minnesota. Everything else is a danger to the fabric of society.

I'm not a normal person, though I should note that I'm not as unique as I try to make myself out to be (and maybe not "counter-culture" enough to fit in on this website). I'm increasingly liberal, which puts me in opposition of my conservative family and peers. I'm constantly reprimanded for stating my opinions and not just accepting the way things work around here. I'm not following in their footsteps, which is to be proud that I'm a white, Minnesota-born man brought up in the Protestant church.

The problem with this is that I've spent a long time alone, away from the influence of the people around me, hanging out online or in bigger cities, and I've grown my own mind.

I don't care about fixing cars, racing, WWE, "God", the Optimist Club, country music, hunting, fishing, the VFW, or working in a factory. And because of that, people treat me like a freak. I don't dress too radical because I'm insecure about people staring. The mohawk I worse last year only lasted a week after my grandparents, who practically raised me, told me I was the biggest fucking idiot they had ever seen, that I had lost my mind and wasn't allowed at family functions anymore. They took it out on my mother, since I've been living with her for the last year, and they barely speak to her because I'm too radical for their tastes. Which is ridiculous because I wear non-offensive t-shirts with jeans almost all the time, I have no tattoos or piercings, and I don't dye my hair at all, simply because I'm afraid of people hating me so much. Which causes me to repress the real me and just shut up and take their abuses.

So that's who I am. I'm lost, alone, and have no right to make any contribution to society.

I'm Ryan.

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