"bite me, fucker" (written long ago)
Natalia sat in the dark. She looked up at the digital clock on the microwave for the 45th time in the last hour. She knew because she started to keep track. It was now 4:51 a.m. and she was alone in the apartment she formerly shared with her boyfriend. She was preparing to announce to him the formerly part.
A scratching at the window. A loud thunk. One of her eyebrows lifted. The window slid up. A cool October breeze blew in and made the calender next to her head start to flap. From the window, a shadow slid into the apartment. A silouette of black closed the window very slowly and silently.
She turned on the light and Gregory stood there, away from her.
Hi sweetheart, she said with a forced grin of white teeth.
He looked over at her out of the corner of one eye, then his entire head swiveled to her. He was dressed in club gear: baggy pants, net shirt, studded choker, and was wearing makeup. He looked SO 1999.
He suddenly grinned. Hi, baby!
She looked at the clock again, shooting a glance at him. Wow, its 4:52 in the morning. I was soooooo worried...
He looked down and she noticed a touch of red near his black lips.
What the fuck is on your lips? she said quickly, her temper flaring.
He quickly wiped it off, looked at his hand, then wiped it on his pants. He grinned again and she noticed his glow-in-the-dark tongue stud was making his mouth glow a bright green.
I, he said and stopped.
Ok, she said calmly, So youre wearing MY clothes that I had when I was NINE-fucking-TEEN. You have make-up on. You have red on your lips. What club did you go to and who the fuck did you fuck?
I, he said again.
You know what? she said, closing her eyes and shoo-ing him away, I dont give a fuck, fucker. Take your fucking shit---which Ive so nicely SLAMMED together in fucking boxes, and get your stuttering, cheating, mother fuckin ass out of MY mother fucking apartment, which no longer is YOUR mother fuckin apartment since you and your stupid fucking raver-wanna be fuckin ass decided to stay out till five o fucking clock in the fucking morning. Peace, bitch. She held up her middle finger. You fuckin outie.
Baby, he started.
No mother fuckin baby here, mother fucker, she said and flipped her purple hair out of her eyes. I fuckin felt sorry for your ass, didnt I? Back when you were just a stupid mother fuckin tattoo artist getting your sorry fuckin ass cheated on by that sorry fuckin slut that was five fuckin years younger than you---I fuckin felt sorry for you. No more, asshole. I took your fuckin ass in, I supported you when you were fuckin broke, I paid for you stupid fuckin car, I fucked the hell out you, I took your dick in my fuckin ass---which I hate, I fucked you in the back of your Volkswagen---which was a very uncomfortable place, I fucked you in the middle of that mosh pit---hopped up on Ecstasy, I fucked you upstairs at your grandmas house---with the smell of moth balls in my fucking nose, I sucked your dick under the table at McDonalds---with that little boy looking at us while eating his Happy Meal, and goddammit, I made you mother fuckin sugar cookies when you were sick---and I cant cook. And what the fuck do you do? You go the fuck out. You get some fuckin little girl---
He held his hands up, Baby, you dont---
DONT YOU INTERUPT ME! She was furious.
I just wanted to say something, he said.
Do you expect me to believe you?
No.
Then why are you insuating that I would let you add to this conversation?
Because youre sweet---
No bitch, she said, pointing to the door, Youre done. Get the fuck out.
At least let me say what I was doing, he said, You owe me that.
Oh, I owe you something? she burst out lauging. You owe me about $4,000! Not to mention two years!
I was at the club, because I was hunting, he said, very serious.
There was a silence in the apartment, finally broken after a bit by Natalias tabby cat, which cried from the bedroom. She scratched her ear. Hunting?
I was hunting for prey, baby. Im not what you think.
Actually, youre exactly what I think you are. A FUCKING asshole. Get out with your stupid ass.
Im a vampire.
More silence. And then she started laughing. Her eyes closed as she laughed, something she had a bad habit of doing. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she pounded her fist on the glass coffee table in front of her. She opened her eyes again and saw him with his arms crossed, obviously not amused. This made her burst out laughing even harder.
So, she began, trying hard to speak through her giggle-fit, S-s-so you...you think...that youre a...vampire? He could see her tonsils as she laughed even harder.
I am a vampire. I was given life by Mordessa the Heartless One on the eve of December the first, in the year two thousand and one. I search the night for human prey. I eat the fresh flowing blood of the young and virginal. I am a hunter, with the eyes of a hawk, the nose of a wolf, the ears of a rabbit, and the bite of a snake. I am a shadow---
See, she said, shaking her head, This is what I get for letting you play role-playing games with your little fat friends from the comic book store.
This is not a game, he said, very serious.
The ears of a rabbit? she said, more to herself, I know that, I mean you have such huge fucking ears that my friends used to make fun of me for dating an elephant---
This is not a joke, Natalia, he said, I have told you my inner most secret. You must respect that. I killed a young virgin this night---
Oh, give me a fuckin break, she said, scoffing, Youre not a fucking vampire. You go out in the sunlight---
I am weakened, though, you have to admit, he said.
So what? You get burned easily. My cousin gets burned easily, too, cuz hes fuckin pale, like you. And what about garlic? I kiss you when Ive eaten garlic and you could give a shit.
I vomit when you turn your back.
And what do you do with the vomit?
I swallow it.
She shivered with disgust, then smiled coyly, Oh yeah, and what about crosses? Crucifixes? I have a crucifix tattoo on my ass and your dick never burned off---
Remember that neck injury when you were twelve? You cant turn your neck that more than a few inches? You cant see the smoke coming off my pubic area---
Wow, she said to herself, That could explain why you wont put your hands on my ass in public places---
Honey, he said, coming to her and sitting near her on the couch, I love you. You have to understand. Theres only you in my life. Forever. Im sorry about all this. But I couldnt tell you for fear that youd be horrified by me.
She reached up and touched his sticky, greased back hair and then his cheek. Oh, baby, I still cant believe you. I need proof, you understand?
Hold on, he whispered, The transformation is horrible. He turned his back from her and wiggled around a bit, hanging his head. When he turned around, his eyes glowed a bright green and where his small canines were, suddenly were small fangs.
Her breath caught in her throat. Oh my god...
Now do you see? he said and his voice was barely audible, I chose you because of your beauty, but I cant kill you. You were different than everyone else.
Youre really a vampire, arent you? she whispered.
Yes, sweetheart, he said and leaned forward, kissing her. They kissed for a while; she was flicking her tongue around his smooth fangs. The smoothness of them was unreal. As if they were self-cleaning.
Im sorry, she said, drawing away slightly.
Its ok, he said, I just want to share this with you now.
He leaned down and kissed her neck and she tensed a bit. She whispered, Make me one of you.
He jumped back suddenly, his glowing eyes wide. What? What are you--- he began.
Oh what? she said angrily, and reached down between the cushions of the couch. She pulled up something hard and cold and shoved it under his jaw. Am I not good enough to be with you for ETERNITY?
His eyes shifted down to the pistol she was holding. Her father bought it for her for Christmas. He had thought she was alone in the apartment and needed protection. No one knew Gregory was living there. She was ashamed to let her family know what she was dating.
There was a click as she cocked back the hammer. Can you survive a gunshot wound? she asked.
I dont know, he whispered.
Bite me, fucker, she said, shoving the gun harder into his jaw.
He closed his eyes, then struck her neck with his mouth. His teeth sunk into her neck easily and she started, jumping back against the couch. He winced. She wrapped her hands around his head and forced him closer to her neck. He tried to open his mouth to pull it off her, but she shoved his teeth deeper into her neck.
Her blood was pumping down his mouth.
Yes, baby, she whispered in ecstasy, Take my blood, please. Make me one of y--- She coughed a few times and shuddered. Her hands were growing weaker on Gregorys head and after a few moments, the hands fell away. He jumped back and screamed, holding throat and choking. He fell to his knees and vomited violently. He did this for a few moments, then stood back up, his face red, tears running down his cheeks.
Natalia was breathing shallow and fast, a smile on her face. She touched her neck lightly, like she had to him when they were having sex. She was enjoying this. Im dying, she whispered. Im leaving the world and being reborn.
He stared at her in horror.
Her eyes met his and she stared at him, the smile still on her face. He was shuffling from foot to foot. It was too uncomfortable to watch her die with a smile on. And to know that it was Gregory that had killed her.
Thank you, she whispered weakly and was still. After a few seconds, her body was suddenly pale. Her lips went blue. The smell of her last movement suddenly filled the room.
Shivering, he walked over to her and closed her eyes. He sat with her.
About a half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. Not thinking, he said, Come in. His mind was elsewhere. A girl came in wearing a black vinyl skirt and silk shirt.
She smiled when she saw him. Hi, he told her weakly. What are you doing here?
Well, your friend Bowen said this was where you live, so I came to see you, she said and bit her lip, I hope youre not ma---what the fuck is that? Who is she? And why are you still wearing your plastic fangs? And whats all that on your mouth? Oh my god, Vladimir, what did you do? He sighed and picked up the pistol from the floor. He rose it and aimed it at her face, right at her pierced nose.
Click. Bam. Thud.
He sighed and dropped the gun. He stood up and went over to his boxes. He took out a bag, filled it with clothes and toiletries, then put the bag over his shoulders. He dropped the gun and stepped over the girl, who lay face down in a steadily growing pool of blood. He opened the door and reminded himself:
She was ashamed of who he was. She wouldnt let anyone know he was here, especially her closest friends and family. He was from Canada and besides, he had no criminal record, so it would take them forever to find his fingerprints in their databases.
There was a sound behind him. He looked down. On the floor, their cat stared up at him. He reached down and picked her up, then locked the door and left the apartment out the front door, the cat on his shoulders.
Natalia sat in the dark. She looked up at the digital clock on the microwave for the 45th time in the last hour. She knew because she started to keep track. It was now 4:51 a.m. and she was alone in the apartment she formerly shared with her boyfriend. She was preparing to announce to him the formerly part.
A scratching at the window. A loud thunk. One of her eyebrows lifted. The window slid up. A cool October breeze blew in and made the calender next to her head start to flap. From the window, a shadow slid into the apartment. A silouette of black closed the window very slowly and silently.
She turned on the light and Gregory stood there, away from her.
Hi sweetheart, she said with a forced grin of white teeth.
He looked over at her out of the corner of one eye, then his entire head swiveled to her. He was dressed in club gear: baggy pants, net shirt, studded choker, and was wearing makeup. He looked SO 1999.
He suddenly grinned. Hi, baby!
She looked at the clock again, shooting a glance at him. Wow, its 4:52 in the morning. I was soooooo worried...
He looked down and she noticed a touch of red near his black lips.
What the fuck is on your lips? she said quickly, her temper flaring.
He quickly wiped it off, looked at his hand, then wiped it on his pants. He grinned again and she noticed his glow-in-the-dark tongue stud was making his mouth glow a bright green.
I, he said and stopped.
Ok, she said calmly, So youre wearing MY clothes that I had when I was NINE-fucking-TEEN. You have make-up on. You have red on your lips. What club did you go to and who the fuck did you fuck?
I, he said again.
You know what? she said, closing her eyes and shoo-ing him away, I dont give a fuck, fucker. Take your fucking shit---which Ive so nicely SLAMMED together in fucking boxes, and get your stuttering, cheating, mother fuckin ass out of MY mother fucking apartment, which no longer is YOUR mother fuckin apartment since you and your stupid fucking raver-wanna be fuckin ass decided to stay out till five o fucking clock in the fucking morning. Peace, bitch. She held up her middle finger. You fuckin outie.
Baby, he started.
No mother fuckin baby here, mother fucker, she said and flipped her purple hair out of her eyes. I fuckin felt sorry for your ass, didnt I? Back when you were just a stupid mother fuckin tattoo artist getting your sorry fuckin ass cheated on by that sorry fuckin slut that was five fuckin years younger than you---I fuckin felt sorry for you. No more, asshole. I took your fuckin ass in, I supported you when you were fuckin broke, I paid for you stupid fuckin car, I fucked the hell out you, I took your dick in my fuckin ass---which I hate, I fucked you in the back of your Volkswagen---which was a very uncomfortable place, I fucked you in the middle of that mosh pit---hopped up on Ecstasy, I fucked you upstairs at your grandmas house---with the smell of moth balls in my fucking nose, I sucked your dick under the table at McDonalds---with that little boy looking at us while eating his Happy Meal, and goddammit, I made you mother fuckin sugar cookies when you were sick---and I cant cook. And what the fuck do you do? You go the fuck out. You get some fuckin little girl---
He held his hands up, Baby, you dont---
DONT YOU INTERUPT ME! She was furious.
I just wanted to say something, he said.
Do you expect me to believe you?
No.
Then why are you insuating that I would let you add to this conversation?
Because youre sweet---
No bitch, she said, pointing to the door, Youre done. Get the fuck out.
At least let me say what I was doing, he said, You owe me that.
Oh, I owe you something? she burst out lauging. You owe me about $4,000! Not to mention two years!
I was at the club, because I was hunting, he said, very serious.
There was a silence in the apartment, finally broken after a bit by Natalias tabby cat, which cried from the bedroom. She scratched her ear. Hunting?
I was hunting for prey, baby. Im not what you think.
Actually, youre exactly what I think you are. A FUCKING asshole. Get out with your stupid ass.
Im a vampire.
More silence. And then she started laughing. Her eyes closed as she laughed, something she had a bad habit of doing. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she pounded her fist on the glass coffee table in front of her. She opened her eyes again and saw him with his arms crossed, obviously not amused. This made her burst out laughing even harder.
So, she began, trying hard to speak through her giggle-fit, S-s-so you...you think...that youre a...vampire? He could see her tonsils as she laughed even harder.
I am a vampire. I was given life by Mordessa the Heartless One on the eve of December the first, in the year two thousand and one. I search the night for human prey. I eat the fresh flowing blood of the young and virginal. I am a hunter, with the eyes of a hawk, the nose of a wolf, the ears of a rabbit, and the bite of a snake. I am a shadow---
See, she said, shaking her head, This is what I get for letting you play role-playing games with your little fat friends from the comic book store.
This is not a game, he said, very serious.
The ears of a rabbit? she said, more to herself, I know that, I mean you have such huge fucking ears that my friends used to make fun of me for dating an elephant---
This is not a joke, Natalia, he said, I have told you my inner most secret. You must respect that. I killed a young virgin this night---
Oh, give me a fuckin break, she said, scoffing, Youre not a fucking vampire. You go out in the sunlight---
I am weakened, though, you have to admit, he said.
So what? You get burned easily. My cousin gets burned easily, too, cuz hes fuckin pale, like you. And what about garlic? I kiss you when Ive eaten garlic and you could give a shit.
I vomit when you turn your back.
And what do you do with the vomit?
I swallow it.
She shivered with disgust, then smiled coyly, Oh yeah, and what about crosses? Crucifixes? I have a crucifix tattoo on my ass and your dick never burned off---
Remember that neck injury when you were twelve? You cant turn your neck that more than a few inches? You cant see the smoke coming off my pubic area---
Wow, she said to herself, That could explain why you wont put your hands on my ass in public places---
Honey, he said, coming to her and sitting near her on the couch, I love you. You have to understand. Theres only you in my life. Forever. Im sorry about all this. But I couldnt tell you for fear that youd be horrified by me.
She reached up and touched his sticky, greased back hair and then his cheek. Oh, baby, I still cant believe you. I need proof, you understand?
Hold on, he whispered, The transformation is horrible. He turned his back from her and wiggled around a bit, hanging his head. When he turned around, his eyes glowed a bright green and where his small canines were, suddenly were small fangs.
Her breath caught in her throat. Oh my god...
Now do you see? he said and his voice was barely audible, I chose you because of your beauty, but I cant kill you. You were different than everyone else.
Youre really a vampire, arent you? she whispered.
Yes, sweetheart, he said and leaned forward, kissing her. They kissed for a while; she was flicking her tongue around his smooth fangs. The smoothness of them was unreal. As if they were self-cleaning.
Im sorry, she said, drawing away slightly.
Its ok, he said, I just want to share this with you now.
He leaned down and kissed her neck and she tensed a bit. She whispered, Make me one of you.
He jumped back suddenly, his glowing eyes wide. What? What are you--- he began.
Oh what? she said angrily, and reached down between the cushions of the couch. She pulled up something hard and cold and shoved it under his jaw. Am I not good enough to be with you for ETERNITY?
His eyes shifted down to the pistol she was holding. Her father bought it for her for Christmas. He had thought she was alone in the apartment and needed protection. No one knew Gregory was living there. She was ashamed to let her family know what she was dating.
There was a click as she cocked back the hammer. Can you survive a gunshot wound? she asked.
I dont know, he whispered.
Bite me, fucker, she said, shoving the gun harder into his jaw.
He closed his eyes, then struck her neck with his mouth. His teeth sunk into her neck easily and she started, jumping back against the couch. He winced. She wrapped her hands around his head and forced him closer to her neck. He tried to open his mouth to pull it off her, but she shoved his teeth deeper into her neck.
Her blood was pumping down his mouth.
Yes, baby, she whispered in ecstasy, Take my blood, please. Make me one of y--- She coughed a few times and shuddered. Her hands were growing weaker on Gregorys head and after a few moments, the hands fell away. He jumped back and screamed, holding throat and choking. He fell to his knees and vomited violently. He did this for a few moments, then stood back up, his face red, tears running down his cheeks.
Natalia was breathing shallow and fast, a smile on her face. She touched her neck lightly, like she had to him when they were having sex. She was enjoying this. Im dying, she whispered. Im leaving the world and being reborn.
He stared at her in horror.
Her eyes met his and she stared at him, the smile still on her face. He was shuffling from foot to foot. It was too uncomfortable to watch her die with a smile on. And to know that it was Gregory that had killed her.
Thank you, she whispered weakly and was still. After a few seconds, her body was suddenly pale. Her lips went blue. The smell of her last movement suddenly filled the room.
Shivering, he walked over to her and closed her eyes. He sat with her.
About a half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. Not thinking, he said, Come in. His mind was elsewhere. A girl came in wearing a black vinyl skirt and silk shirt.
She smiled when she saw him. Hi, he told her weakly. What are you doing here?
Well, your friend Bowen said this was where you live, so I came to see you, she said and bit her lip, I hope youre not ma---what the fuck is that? Who is she? And why are you still wearing your plastic fangs? And whats all that on your mouth? Oh my god, Vladimir, what did you do? He sighed and picked up the pistol from the floor. He rose it and aimed it at her face, right at her pierced nose.
Click. Bam. Thud.
He sighed and dropped the gun. He stood up and went over to his boxes. He took out a bag, filled it with clothes and toiletries, then put the bag over his shoulders. He dropped the gun and stepped over the girl, who lay face down in a steadily growing pool of blood. He opened the door and reminded himself:
She was ashamed of who he was. She wouldnt let anyone know he was here, especially her closest friends and family. He was from Canada and besides, he had no criminal record, so it would take them forever to find his fingerprints in their databases.
There was a sound behind him. He looked down. On the floor, their cat stared up at him. He reached down and picked her up, then locked the door and left the apartment out the front door, the cat on his shoulders.
awww you know i loves ya Deo
you still better show up!