grasinja_todd

The Greatest Drunken Stupor

Your dorky dance is all but a faded memory,
Listening to you laugh and laugh,
The warmest of hugs,
The sweetest of kisses,
Hearing your words of wisdom,
Loving me always,
Hearing me ramble about nothings,
Nights of long talks,
Reading together on others,
I've seen you in dreams,
And even a couple times on the street,

I wonder to this day,
Why I was the only one that was able to say goodbye,
A day hasn't gone by,
Nor will there ever be a day that does,
Where I won't say I love you,

I'm sorry that I didn't grow up fast enough,
For you to see the person that you wanted me to be,
Or telling you enough that you were,
And always had been the biggest influence,
For me as a person,
As well as the way I want to live my life,
With a kind heart,
A strong will,
Staring Death in the face and punching him in the nose,

I haven't done too well,
With promises that I made,
Writing this makes me see,
How much of a shitty son I was,
For I'm nothing like you,
I'm not the kind, sweet, fun-loving person people think me to be,
Or even I think me to be,
Beginning to see that shell crack and weaken,

You said I was your rock,
The place you came to when you needed support,
That in itself was a lie,
For on the inside I was miserable,
I AM miserable still,
Knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do,
To help you through all the pain,
To help you feel comfort, the likes you had shown me
Calling me your "Rock," should have been more like a pile of "Play-doh"
I hope if you really are watching over me,
You can forgive me.
I love and miss you Mom.

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