i don't want to be angry and i don't want to feel resentful or regretful. i think that this move will be what's best. he's feeling ego-bruised since his name won't be associated to ownership of anything, but i tell you (like i told him) when he can get his shit together i will reconsider the level of responsibility and play that he has in my life. i personally, not to sound arrogant, think he should feel grateful that he'll still have a roof over his head (by the grace of me)
any which way, i will run to the new complex today at lunch and sign on the dotted line (as well as fork over some serious dough to secure my new home).
hurray. my own place, and they'll let me paint it and decorate it however i want! and it has a fireplace. and i won't have roommates who leave the utilities running all hours of the day or take four hour showers or invite their mobs of friends over when i need to study!
ah, sweet sanctuary... (she'll be comin' 'round)
------------------------------------
something i wrote a while ago (almost applicable now):
today i feel kindof empty.
not so alone as empty has felt before.
not intoxicating loneliness, not impatient wondering, not anxious falls and failing.
not flailing...
a good still kind of empty.
i feel a bit aware, but not so much so that i feel awed, aware.
just kindof keeping time, listening to my heart, hearing my breaths and relaxing my lips with every exhale,
smiling, aware.
i feel content today,
but not the kind of content for settling,
a quiet pride, content
squinting to make lines on my eyes,
happy with the sounds and the 'is' of the world,
accepting of the here and now but ready for a new day to dawn,
a breezy content.
i don't like satin sheets but i like satin pajamas.
i like cotton sheets. those ones that feel like well-worn tshirts, washed a million times.
i like the weight of several blankets but not thick, fluffy ones. i like my woven throw and velour spreads. with cotton sheets.
feather pillows. i covet feather beds, to lay over the real mattress.
i must be sleepy.
good night sweet world.
any which way, i will run to the new complex today at lunch and sign on the dotted line (as well as fork over some serious dough to secure my new home).
hurray. my own place, and they'll let me paint it and decorate it however i want! and it has a fireplace. and i won't have roommates who leave the utilities running all hours of the day or take four hour showers or invite their mobs of friends over when i need to study!
ah, sweet sanctuary... (she'll be comin' 'round)
------------------------------------
something i wrote a while ago (almost applicable now):
today i feel kindof empty.
not so alone as empty has felt before.
not intoxicating loneliness, not impatient wondering, not anxious falls and failing.
not flailing...
a good still kind of empty.
i feel a bit aware, but not so much so that i feel awed, aware.
just kindof keeping time, listening to my heart, hearing my breaths and relaxing my lips with every exhale,
smiling, aware.
i feel content today,
but not the kind of content for settling,
a quiet pride, content
squinting to make lines on my eyes,
happy with the sounds and the 'is' of the world,
accepting of the here and now but ready for a new day to dawn,
a breezy content.
i don't like satin sheets but i like satin pajamas.
i like cotton sheets. those ones that feel like well-worn tshirts, washed a million times.
i like the weight of several blankets but not thick, fluffy ones. i like my woven throw and velour spreads. with cotton sheets.
feather pillows. i covet feather beds, to lay over the real mattress.
i must be sleepy.
good night sweet world.